ramblings...bahumbug

well....I'm not sure where to start or really to even write down at this current moment...so many things have been going on within the past week its insane...i found more gray in my hair yesterday and I'm putting the blame on the past week ( sigh....going gray already at the ripe old age of 23...yay) if you read my previous post you will have learned that my week was crappy then...yea..it got worse...i don't know why i am a target for misfortune lately..i try to be positive but these days i feel like mark and i are getting spat in our faces...our car is dead now..which means mark cant drive at work..which means no tips and this leads into our already little income being cut in half...i feel worthless about it cause no one is hiring or they wont hire me as if there is a plague around me ( maybe there is?) ...my apartment is now dry..we were lucky enough to not have any water damage to any of our possessions...but it is still a wreck..they have replaced the piping and hot water heater but the floors still need new base boards and carpet...we need new closet doors since they got water damage...its a mess....oh and did i mention my electric got shut off?..that's a long story but basically i paid it..they said i didn't..i proved i did yet they still want to charge me and extra 50 dollars since it was shut off anyways for reconnection fees...... i cant tell you how many tears i have shed this week...i feel insignificant and pathetic....Ive called my mother during half these tears...all she will say is i need to come home..ok..fine....with what money?...it would take at least 2 grand to get home...between truck rental gas..possible hotel stay for at least one night...i cant afford to move but i cant stay here any longer...i don't know what to do or where to turn...i keep hoping...wishing...even praying to someone who doesn't seem to be listening ( I'm beginning to think there truly is no higher power...the idea keeps getting weaker as each day passes and more bad things happen) none of it seems to be doing any good...because of all the petty things going on..it has made mark and i fight more...we have different views about staying or moving...i swear he would rather us live in a ditch as long as we stay in florida..while i on the other do want to stay..i want things to get better...but i don't want to live in a ditch so i want to go back up north and stay with my mom for a little while...we seem to argue over anything ( i must indeed admit i start ALOT of these over lack of sleep, anger and annoyance..mark says i i keep acting like a lunatic he is going to lock me up..whatever do it..it will be a vacation to me) I'm tired of fighting..i want things to get better...being stressed breanna seems to know this and tries any way in her power to make it worse...i know its for the attention we haven't been giving her...i feel like lately all i have done with my kid is yell or put her in time out, etc...( i know this isn't true however..I've done loads of things with her..we made a ginger bread house yesterday..it was awesome...plus our daily walks and casual play times)...i feel terrible about it...things need to change...Christmas is around the corner...i guess breanna is officially on the naughty list since mark and i cant afford to get her anything....everyone tells me not to worry about it she is little she wont remember..well you know what i don't care...i want my daughter to have a good christmas no matter how old she is...i want to see that joy on her face as she opens up gifts and realizes what is underneath that colorful paper....its NOT fair....this year has not been fair...and it makes me angry that its not being fair to my daughter who has done nothing...for all families and children that have done nothing and seem to have all this misfortunes in the world while others sit back and enjoy their riches and their greed....i tired of feeling like a target...tired of looking for the positive in bad situations...just..tired... I'm lost and don't know what to do to over come it

and yet it still gets worse....

i was wrong when i said things couldn't get any worse my friends...believe me IT CAN...i am no longer pregnant...i miscarried on Monday...earlier that very same day our hot water heater thought it would be a very nice jester to give us a indoor swimming pool at 4 am...so alas breanna and i are staying at my brother in laws until everything gets fixed ( getting the water out, letting things dry, new carpet and floor boards, etc.) its going to take over a week...we have no money..the tires on our car are bare and i am afraid mark is going to get into an accident if they don't get replaced within the next day or so...breanna has been unbearable( she doesn't listen at all..hyper activity is through the roof...the toddler years are now considered a form of punishment for past wrongs I'm sure)...I'm at my wits end..someone help me...this is just a tiny bit of what my week has been like....until the next disaster my friends.

oh the wonders of a toddler....

mark and i were recently discussing about human hard wiring...that certain things as a child are hardwired into the mind especially around breanna's age....toddlers are constantly learning, growing and developing new skills while trying to copy what we do...thus this led into a discussion of things we NEED to stop doing ourselves all together...certain things we do, say, etc.
breanna is extremely intelligent and picks up on everything, she also has a temper ( which she probably gets from me...haha)...anything we say at the moment she repeats with almost perfection...its kinda funny in a way an example being she was watching WALLE for the first time today and when he said his name she utterly went waahhhhaallllleeee...it made me smile. whenever I'm cleaning she tries to help, she no longer fights with me about bedtime cause its something we make necessary and fun for hr whether it be a story or some soft music, she helped me decorate the tree this year without really needing help.... or if its something simple like brushing my hair she wants to do it herself as well...I'm so happy to see her developing so well. but along with good things comes the bad..she is unbelievably stubborn and rarely listens unless it is to her liking, with all this learning and growing she is picking up on everything even the not so good..take for instance last night...I'm trying to quit smoking as soon as possible but i caved last night from being irritated and sick so i went outside to do so...when i go out side i open up all my shades so i can see inside to watch what breana is doing although 9 times out of 10 she just stand by the window watching and waiting for me to finish and come back inside...mark cousin came outside ( whom happens to live next door) so we chit chatted while we smoked..breanna is still at the window just sitting there watching us..next thing i know she is fiddling with the door handle..i tell her no..of course she doesn't listen ( I'm going to have a firm talk with her on the subject of NO )...so i go to turn the handle to go inside to tell her no ill be in shortly and here to my surprise she none other than locked me out...it wouldn't have freaked me out so bad if she had actually locked the handle...i could have easily got in using the ole credit card trick..but no she locked the dead bolt...this is something she has never done before and she thought i was frightfully funny...i tried to explain from the other side that mommy CANT come in if she doesn't unlock the door..tried showing her what to do which is hard from the other side...now I'm in a panic..what if she was to walk away from the door and decide to put something in her mouth and choke?..so many things ran through my mind it was insane...during my state of a near mental breakdown of worry, mark's cousin was trying to call mark...he finally got ahold of him and told him to come and unlock the door...mark must have been speeding cause he made it there within 5 minutes from his work...he had this smirk on his face and i told him it wasn't funny...he said he knew it wasn't "really"...and just stated that i need to take my keys out with me from now on ( no shit)..once inside the house i take breanna in my arms and hug her...i wasn't mad..it was simply her figuring something out...i tried explaining to her that locks are a no no and she should never play with them...we'll find out if she learns this in the near future...in the meantime however I'm making a trip to walmart for some safety locks just in case she does learn to unlock the doors and open them...the last thing i need is to wake up in the morning with no breanna in the house...lol ( cringes with fear at the thought )
anyways on to other news...still have yet to go to the clinic to find out whether or not I'm having one of them there baby things again...mark and i being sick has postponed it..so i must go next week sometime cause i dont think i could wait any longer than that to find out..plus i would like to know how far along...to my calculations i should be about 4 weeks along..maybe 5....but we will see :) I'm about 98 percent sure I'm impregnated do to the lack of blood in my shorts this month..yay to no more rags :D

EDIT: i just read on yahoo news that an expecting couple was pulled over and given a ticket while on their way to the hospital to have the baby..they were in the middle of rush hour bumper to bumper traffic so the husband went into the pull over lane...supposedly the cop actually made the woman prove she was pregnant by stepping out and showing her belly.. WTF and you STILL gave them a ticket?..this woman was having contractions 3 minutes apart...what did they expect them to do?..stop right there and have the baby in the middle of traffic?..i would have done the same thing as them if i were in that kind of situation.....WOW..if i was the father i would be PISSED....what ever happened to policemen HELPING these kinds of situations by escorting pregnant couples to the hospital???...wow the world and the people in it these days suck.

chest colds suck alot of donkey dick

yup that's about it..they suck....mark and i can barely take care of ourselves at the moment...he has called off work the past 2 days to lay about and attempt to help me with breanna...yea we are pathetic.it seems as though we cant stop coughing, our lungs feel like they are on fire, our heads are about to explode off our shoulders, fever..you name it we feel it right now probably..even breanna and phoenix act like they don't feel well either..the cat is going around laying about and sneezing ( mark blames our misfortune on poor phoenix..come to think of it he WAS the first one to start sneezing..hmmm?)..breanna is coughing and sneezing as well but still is playing as kids do even when they don't feel well...god damn its like a fucking plague in my house right now...now i think I'm delirious...uggggggg...bye for now..time for homemade chicken soup

thanksgiving, babies, and pulling hair out.

well...our thanksgiving went pretty well...unfortunately this time a year is when i still wished lived closer to home cause i miss my mom's food..lol...we went to mark's brother's house to eat..the food was..well..ummm...edible??...we had a nice time but hey the point of thanksgiving is to stuff yourself sick with delicious food you don't have normally all year right?...the turkey was dry and everything else they fixed they pretty much fix all year round and tasted like saw dust..ewww....when mark and i got home, we went next door to his uncles house to discuss the event, all of us decided it wasn't exceptable and we should do something about it...therefore the boys volunteered me and Jen to cook the next day....we made turkey, ham, about 12 different sides and 3 different deserts. I can say I'm quite proud of us..it was excellent and wasn't much different from my momma's cooking..I'm so glad i have a bunch of left overs :)
in other news..breanna is doing well...she is now in the stage of asking questions..what ya doing?..what is it?..momma what is that!??...lol..its really cute but I'm sure ill get tired of it soon as most things do when they are repetitive. she helped Jen and i cook..well should say tried but hey it was fun for her to stir the pudding in a bowl while getting half of it on herself. also breanna found out yesterday that she is going to be a big sister ( well we found out too) Ive had the feeling i was pregnant for a couple of weeks now..i took 2 at home pregnancy test and both came up positive...i honestly wasn't wanting a baby right now due to money reasons but I'm not upset about it..i always said i wanted 2 and like my momma always said if i waited until i "felt" stable about money..it'll never happen cause you never feel stable even when you do make decent money....I'm sure we'll do fine..we always make due somehow....after this baby ( hopefully this time a boy..always wanted one girl one boy..but it doesn't really matter at the same time) I'm getting my tubes tied..i want 2 and 2 only..nothing about that would change my mind so I'm going to go ahead and get them tied so no more worries....i have to make myself a doctors appointment monday...yay for wearing paper dresses on cold beds with your legs spread :/
anyways i think this concludes my news for today...have a good one peoples.

happy thanksgiving

well..that's it...happy thanksgiving...hope everyone has a safe well fed holiday..I'm now going to go gain 15 pounds and stuff myself sick :)

let it snow..wait...

it doesn't snow here..i live in florida...with christmas around the corner i quite miss it...anyhoo that being said I'm trying to prepare for christmas...buying gifts for breanna all though i have no money to really do so but somehow Ive been able to get her a few simple gifts on a really really tight budget...also in this tight budget I'm trying to figure out how to make some homemade decorations..seems as though my imagination is lacking these days though..i have a tree and some decorations for it from last year..but i still don't have many...i really want to make the house cheery without having to go out and buy a shit load of stuff...any ideas anyone who may be reading this?..so far Ive come up with making beaded candy canes and wreaths...Ive looked up online for ideas and found alot.but it requires stuff i would still have to go out and buy the stuff to make it which unfortunately usually is expensive. i do however have a paper plate idea from the good ole grade school years...making snow men and reindeer with them and basically drawing or gluing on construction paper faces..this idea I'm going to do for breanna something she would enjoy helping me with..."sigh" i hate the holidays. its nothing but a big hassle over something i don't even believe in so why do i even bother?..well because i have a child and i want her to have a nice christmas. ( yes I'm thinking yet writing to myself...can we say odd?) i hope all comes along ok....still hoping to find a job...the donut pirates have yet to call me.i guess I'm going to go there tomorrow and see about my application..hopefully they have pity on me...

o what a dull life it is....

well..nothing much has been going on these days...we all seem to have colds except Breanna ( knock on wood..the kid has never been sick) so needless to say my fat ass has been doing nothing except laying about complaining while Breanna is screaming in my ear to go out and play...i was feeling a bit better yesterday so i finally did take her outside...out there we happened to see our neighbor and his little girl Rose. Rose is the same age as Breanna and they get along like most toddlers do..they point and OOHHH AHHHH over each other...lol...it was quite cute.
I kinda got scared out of my pants today...Breanna had her first venture around the house alone because I was so exhausted this morning i didn't hear her when she got up.. We have a 1 bedroom apartment that is the size of a 2...the bedroom alone could be 2 bedrooms so that's what we did...one side is Breezy's the other side ours. Usually i close the door at night that way she cant get out in case she would wake up before me..well i thought i closed it last night..obviously i didn't or my worst fear is coming true..breanna is learning to open doors..don't know which yet but I'm sure to find out...anyways i woke up to her playing with her toys in the living room...I'm so glad i have a good kid..the bathroom door was open and she could have gotten into all kinds of illegal ( well to her) goodies in there..like oh chemicals or soaps..you name it...not to mention my living room was a mess with stuff just strewn about...yea i woke up and freaked when i didn't see her anywhere and heard her out there...i guess from now on I'm going to have to make sure he bathroom door is closed and stuff is put away before bed at night just in case she is able to open doors...sigh...makes me sad cause she is getting so big on me really.
well this about covers it for now..like the title states...its been a dull life.

Just a survey I found...yes I'm quite bored...seemed like fun

***********FOODOLOGY***************
What is your salad dressing of choice?? ranch
What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? Applebee's or Olive Garden
What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? Roasted garlic triscuts with marinara sauce and italian blend cheese on top..yummy
What are your pizza toppings of choice? im simple..pepperoni
What do you like to put on your toast? depends on my mood..usually butter and jelly

***********TECHNOLOGY***************
How many televisions are in your house? 1..whats the point in having more?
How many radios are in your house? 1..a clock radio..lol
How many computers are in your house? 1
How many DVD players are in your house? 1..and its broke..damn it

***************BIOLOGY******************
Are you right-handed or left-handed? righty
Have you ever had anything removed from your body? quite a few things actually...im accident prone
What is the last heavy item you lifted? I can lift alot..so I dont know..recently though.. HUGE rolls of carpeting when my brother in law was redoing his home
Have you ever been knocked unconscious? yes many times..once again im accident prone

************BULLCRAPOLOGY**************
If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? yea sure..wouldnt change anything for me
If you could change your name, what would you change it to? my name is awesome thank you
Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? and suffer the consequences?..no thanks

************DUMBOLOGY******************

How many pairs of flip flops do you own? 4
Last time you had a run-in with the COPS? uhhh cant rememeber..not recently though
Last person you talked to? mark
Last person you hugged breanna

**************FAVORITOLOGY****************
Season? fall
Holiday? halloween
Day of the week? any day i get to sleep in
Month? october

***********CURRENTOLOGY*****************
Missing someone? yes..tons of people
Mood? eh..its ok
What are you listening to? nothing right now..well besides the tv
Watching? un well considering my focus is on this jackass survey then i wouldnt be watching anything except what im doing eh?
Worrying about?..you name it i'm probably stressing over it

***************RANDOMOLOGY*****************
First place you went this morning? the kitchen..lol..whoo hoo i know its exciting
What's the last movie you saw? shrek 3..lol..breanna is watching it now
Do you smile often? sometimes
Sleeping Alone Tonight? im never alone
Do you always answer your phone? hell no
If you could change your eye color what would it be? i wouldnt change..cause im that awesome
What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic? ewww fucking gross
Do you own a digital camera? yes
Have you ever had a pet fish? no..always had furry pets
Favorite Christmas song? ehh...if i had to pick one that you can SAY i like..then i guess o holy night...otherwise most christmas songs suck donkey balls
What's on your wish list for your birthday? to be working by then
Can you do push ups? yes
Can you do a chin up? haha..have no idea..its been years since ive tried..lol
Does the future make you more nervous or excited? these days more nervous than anything
Ever been in a car wreck? 9 of them..i told you already im accident prone..obviously yu have a frontal lobe issue.
Do you have an accent?..ewww yes i do
What is the last song to make you cry? alot of songs make me teary...i know im weak..shut up
Plans tonight?..nookie!!!..hahaha
Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? uhhhh does NOW count?
Name 3 things you bought yesterday. i didn't buy shit yesterday
Have you ever been given roses? yes
Current worry? christmas for breanna
Current hate right now? refer to the rock bottom question..i hate everything right now :)
Met someone who changed your life? many people have changed my life
How did you bring in the New Year? sat at home with my family and watched the ball drop
What song represents you? you can dance if you want to...lol..j/k..i have no idea
Name three people who might complete this?..uhhhh dont know dont give a fuck
Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? i think everyone would...would i change anything?..no
Have you ever dated someone longer than a year? obviously yes
Do you have any tattoo/piercing? used to have a bunch of piercings..took them out except my ears
Will you be in a relationship 4 months from now? most likely
Does anyone love you? i hope so..lol
Would you be a pirate? hell yea..its a pirates life for me yo ho
What songs do you sing in the shower? what ever comes along in me noggin
Ever had someone sing to you? yes..it was awkward
When did you last cry?I cant remember
Do you like to cuddle? no not really
Have you held hands with anyone today? not yet
Who was the last person you took a picture of? breanna :)
What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school? haha metal..seriously..i have brothers..lol
Do you believe in staying close with your ex's/prospects? no..why worry about stupid shit
Are most of the friends in your life new or old? both
Do you like pulpy orange juice? ewwwwww
What is something your friends make fun of you for? i get made fun of for loads of shit..i think mainly my sailor mouth and my frequent brain farts.
Have you ever ridden an elephant? yes when i was 10 at the zoo
Do you like to play Scrabble? yes
What are you saving your money up for right now? Christmas presents, bills, you name it at the moment
When is the last time you ate peanut butter and jelly? no idea
What song do you want played at your funeral? no idea..wouldn't want to think about it right now anyways thank you
What were you doing 12 AM last night? taking a shower
What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? man fuck shit cunt ass morning grrrr..o hi breanna!!!...lol


ok yea this was lame but hey i was bored and i caught my attention..lol

cross you fingers....

i hopefully..maybe...not sure yet have a job...dunkin donuts.yea no big deal and its not exactly the job I'm looking for but hey i cant complain right now..i just need anything considering my bills are going to put me in my grave along with the fact Christmas is around the corner and so far Ive been only able to get breanna 2 really cheap gifts....i filled out an application the other day..i called about it yesterday evening and talked to the hiring manager...she knew who i was and told me she is starting interviews next week...so yea keep your fingers crossed that i may get an interview in the least :)

photo time!

Well...I'm quite bored but I'm not sure what to blog about just yet...so in the meantime until my brain fart is gone please enjoy some pictures..hey better than elevator music right?


As you can see Breanna is dancing with daddy while her best friends watch this comical scene.

A day at the beach...I think she consume more sand than actually getting it in the bucket.

After playing with the sand, although it was not planned as so, she decided to go into the water..fun fun.



Daddy just got done assembling one of Breanna birthday gifts...a sit in spin. He was quite proud..lol ( and yes a dog is sniffing her ass)


Cheese!!


One of the very few pics of me and her. I'm always the one behind the camera...in fact I still am..lol



Breanna happens the think she is a "pencess" When she is a "pencess" she puts on the crown I made her for Halloweena dn her plastic Cinderella shoes. Quite cute really.


Phoenix. Yes he has a shirt on. I found one of Breanna's old shirts that happened to be a boys new born jeresey..i thought it would be funny to see it on him.


Breanna and Phoenix.


Super Baby to the rescue!! Defender of teddy bears and tigger. Enemy of boogers, clothing, and poop.

Things to give you heart burn...

Well since my last post nothing much has happened but it hasn't been exactly uneventful either. The past few days Mark's uncle ( who lives next door to us ) got his electric turned off. We felt bad for him and his girlfriend so we let them take an extension cord from our house to theirs so they could at least have tv and one light. I guess the weather is in their favor too considering its actually been quite cold here in Florida therefore they didn't have to swelter in a hot ass apartment ( jeez i know i wouldn't want to..i hate being hot..man i live in the WRONG place). Unfortunately I'm guessing that we may have to do the same and leach off them next week cause i just got a shut off notice in the mail a couple of days ago. The demons of satan known as the eclectic company want 200bucks or goodbye lights. Around here they don't take partial payments. It either pay it all or fuck you..Bastards. I actually would not care to not have lights BUT i have to have a fridge for that stubborn necessary item to live known as food. It just seemed like everyday i checked the mail this past week i was receiving something to give me massive indigestion. The next day after receiving the shut off notice, I happened to get a lovely statement from my cable company for 600 bucks. UMMMM HELLO..my shit has been off since early October...WHY are you charging me fr another month?...bitches. They charged me for this month into next month as if it was still on. I must give them a call and tell them to shove the extra 230 bucks up their ass or i'm not going to pay ANY of it like i planned to. On a good note when it comes to the mail service, i did happen to receive a letter in my favor saying i was approved for medicaid and food stamps for my family. YAY..one less thing off my chest.

Breanna is doing well...she is talking in full sentences, figuring out how to do most things on her own, helps me clean and i couldn't be a more proud mommy over an already wise daughter...don't let her intelligence fool you though..she has an evil side to her, she came up behind me and bit me on the bottom ( i thought at first she was either 1 being sweet and giving me a hug from behind or 2 she notices that dogs sniff asses so she decided to try it too) talk about being quite surprised, weirded out and pissed. Just a few hours ago from the bathroom i hear the cat give a god awful shriek ( good thing he is an awesome lovely kitty otherwise i fear breanna would have been torn to pieces) I come into the room and breanna is trying to swing phoenix from his tail, all the while finding it humorous and laughing hysterically. On a lighter note her sweet side shows just as much as the evil one, after i told her no that she is hurting the cat she picked him up sat him in her lap, said AWWWW i sorry and kissed him. Sometimes she is too damn cute really and she makes me smile along with wanting scream everyday :) I love her to pieces.

In other news, I have officially stopped all contact with my dad's side of the family ( well besides my dad and 1 cousin Brian) growing up because they didn't like my mother, they treated us kids like we had diseases and were the scum between their toes. Everyone of them including my grandmother. They are sad pathetic people and i wish to not have anything to do with them any longer. Not that i had much to do with them anyway. In more recent days, you know sometimes people change when they get older, a year ago a few of my cousins got in contact with me through the ever popular myspace therefore we corresponded for a few weeks. After those few weeks though none of them with the exception of my cousin Brian talked to me again. I would be kind and leave them a comment here and there telling them i hope all is well so on so forth, but they never would write back. After awhile i stopped sending them anything and lost touch again. Well the other day one of my cousins Nicole messaged me on yahoo messenger asking me if i could send her money. no hi how are you no how is beanna nothing. just can you send money. it upset me little but i kept my cool told her man i need money myself. she acted a little pissy about it giving me a sob story that she is about ready to pop with her second child, her baby's daddy isn't helping her so on so forth and the reason she needed it is because of bills ( go figure) i got the feeling however it was for something else so even if i did have it i wouldn't have sent it to her anyways. well after telling her i couldn't she all of a sudden "had to leave" so she couldn't talk any longer. Not that i wanted to talk to her anyways, but the fact that that's the ONLY reason she messaged me was to ask for money, now I'm furious. They haven't changed and they never will. I told her not to talk to me again and to delete me from any list with me on it cause i will not be used as a doormat or as someone she feels that's the only time she has to talk to me is if she needs or wants something. the fucking gall that some people have is beyond me and it sickens me more that this is my so called family. Once again another case of unwanted indigestion.

Still in the process of looking for a job, therefore the burning in my stomach and chest will not retreat from the battle and it happens to be winning..ugggg.

anyways i guess this concludes my bitch and moan for now...until next folks.

Pedophiles...ewwwwww

My friend Mary and I were talking over yahoo last night and we got into the conversation of sexual offenders in our area and how we go about finding them that way we know were they are at and basically avoid the mofo's (or kill them if we ever found them even THINKING about LOOKING at our girls) So thus I decided to search the net to find out if there was a site that posted them in my area. There happened to be one that didn't want any money for it that the actual police department post and quite frankly I was appalled by how many offenders that were in a 2 mile radius from were I live. There were 12 total within that area and to me being a mother of a beautiful little girl just disgust me. I expected to maybe have 2 or 3 tops but 12? In a 5 mile radius there was 98...jeez man there are alot of freaks out there. In my city alone there were over 500 that were registered. It just makes me think about how many have NOT been caught or registered yet. It blows my mind and makes me sick to my stomach. Oh and Mary by the way I found a site for WV. Here it is :) http://www.wvstatepolice.com/sexoff/websearchform.cfm

I swear to god if I run into any of these people on the street...I will give them a straight kick in the balls and when they ask why I'll tell them because they are a sick fucker that needs to be castrated then I'll kick them again. Fuckers.

hmmmmm intersting

Usually i don't buy into bullshit horoscopes...i usually check them out just for shits and giggles to laugh t myself about the petty things they say...today however this one got me thinking cause it hits the nail right on the head with what has been going on in my life recently...check it out.

Overview
Sometimes, your dreams are just silly and weird plays that your subconscious performs at night -- not visions of what your future holds. So if disturbing images have been keeping you tossing and turning lately, don't worry too much about it. This is just a phase and will be over soon. Turn your attention away from your dreams, because you can't control them. Instead, start exerting more power over your waking hours. Then you'll start to see things change.

You need to slow down a lot and rethink any new plans or schemes that have come your way lately -- there may be hidden flaws that only you are likely to spot. Go over each one with great care!


hmmmm...interesting.

Happy Halloween everyone!

Well as the title states. Happy Halloween! Today happens to be my fave holiday of the year mainly because I love to dress up as something disgusting without bad looks..lol. Antoher reason since I've had Breanna I can dress her up, which to me is more fun than dressing and blooding up myself. This year to go trick or treating she went as the queen of hearts. She was adorable and I was quite proud because I made her costume do to lack of cash. The people giving out candy got a kick out of her because of her cuteness and the originality of the costume so it was a hit. I myself went as a deranged little red riding hood mainly because i have a red hoody and its

all I could come up with..lol. We went around in our neightborhood this year trick or treating. Normally everyone in town goes to a certain area ( the richy riches around here of course) to get candy but Mark had to work therefore giving us no ride to go. Last year it was like a fucking parade, I swear hundreds maybe even thousands of tick or treaters were there begging for candy. So to be said I was afraid that no one would be giving out candy in our neighborhood due to the fact everyone goes to the rich area. It turned out it was a better idea anyways. There were still alot of trick or treaters for Breanna to enjoy the costumes, it was close to home so I didn't have to worry about carrying a diaper bag, and she actually got 3 times the amont of candy than she did last year. So in the end we had a blast. Here are some pictures of the event.

Take notice that she is a little pissy about not leaving yet..lol.

Me in the bathroom after getting myself ready. I know i have great tits ;D

The both of us.

Us out trick or treaing. THe house we are at did not hesitate when it came to decorating..lol

well then...

i am now officially a "Floridian"...Ive been putting it off for almost 2 years to get a Florida state ID..finally did yesterday...only reason being i have to in order to prove I'm a Florida resident for the devil's advocates ( department of children and families AKA welfare )...i was supposed to take breanna back to the doctor today to get her shots but due to laziness and exhaustion from the beginning of this week already i canceled...i have alot to do today as it is without having to hurry to make sure everything is done before mark has to be at work at 4 this afternoon. ill reschedule tomorrow. anyhow today i have to drop all my life info at welfare..something i hate doing..i hate living off the state..mark and i never had to before and its still taking me some time to get used to..before we always had money to take care of our bills, food to eat and insurance from his work to pay for medical bills... hopefully i can find a job and him a better job so we don't have to do this for long....on to other news..breanna is talking ALOT now..she is now saying full sentences and larger words...I'm so proud of her i could burst...i find it particularly cute when she says she likes something... example would be "mommy i like movie" or " momma i like gummies" ...it makes my heart melt and pride just wants to explode from my chest...right now I'm trying to teach her the basics of colors numbers and letters...once she gets the hang of those i want to start teaching her how to read....she loves being read to but doesn't seem interested in her "children's" books...so i have taken the liberty of reading her the Narnia and harry potter books at night before bed...even though there are not any pictures she still seems to like them more than her books...i can see it now..my child is going to be class A nerd like her daddy and mommy :)... yesterday i took her outside in the backyard...she has been doing this for awhile but it still amazes me what its like for children to explore and see things through their eyes... she makes me feel like a child myself and for that i am grateful..it is the time a day when all stress seems to melt away ( that is until we go back inside and all reality comes rushing back in like a wave) "sigh" i want another baby for breanna to have a playmate..but do to financial disability at the moment it would be a horrible idea...breanna is just going to have to make due with phoenix at the moment :)...speaking of kitty's "sebastian" seems to have either found a home or someone called a shelter and took him away..i have not seen him since the day we gave him a name..im actually kind of sad about it...oh well...maybe he just likes to be called "cat" and we have offended him in ome way...lol
I must say even with all the stress going on at the moment about money and the stupid shit i have had to do to make sure my kid is taken care of..things at home have been alright..mark and i seem to appreciate each other more since i went away for a month to see my family up north. we have civil conversations, sex is great and we actually smile at each other again..its a feeling i have missed for a long time...im sure the newness will wear off eventually as it does when you have been with someone for a long time, but at the moment i am enjoying it and hopefully mark is too...i really do love him and i know he loves breanna and me..just do to all the ignorant bullshit before it was just hard....seems like things will be better :)
anyhow..i think this concludes my post for now..until next time

new kitty, to do list

well i have my baby phoenix as you know that ive posted in a previous blog...i think my fiance mark is on his way to adopting another cat. there has been a stray kitten running around our area these days. he is a handsome short hair that is black with white feet whom i would say is about 10 - 12 weeks old at most. we have been feeling sorry for the little fella because he is such a sweetie therefore we have been feeding it. mark has named him sebastian..a sure sign of awww poor kitty lets keep him...uh no thanks...not in the house anyways..i dont mind naming him cause i thought about it myself instead of just saying here cat or here stray...lol...but we will not let it in the house.i cannot at this time afford to take it to the vet for shots, neutering, ect just so it can be in the house...nope..but it still looks like we have a new "outdoor" kitty. if in the future the cat is still hanging around and i run into some money, i'll take sebastian to the vet to get him what he needs then maybe just maybe he can be an indoors cat afterwards...time can only tell what is instore for our little feline friend :)

on to the next topic of the day...

i have SOOOO much to do in a short amount of time (by the 29th) its causing my head to spin...to make it easier for me im going to make a list and post it on here since i seem to check this or get on at least once a day. all the stuff i have to do SEEMS simple..but its not when ou DONT have a printer ( lame i know) and have to go th library or somewhere that lets me do it for FREE since im a broke hoe. so here goes.

- get new state ID
-call my case worker about my medical care and foodstamp info for MORE info that i need
-print out bills and bank statements from the past 6 weeks
-fill out a verification of employment form
-make a copy of my lease, bills, and bank statements
-make a copy of my vehicle information
-make copies of mark's check stubs
-take breanna to the doctor's office for shots on wednesday at 10am
-go drop off all the printed bullshit and the rest of my life info at the department of children and families ( aka devil's advocates )
-go to michaels craft store to see about possible employment ( hopefully)
-call every doctor, insurance company, or who knows who else about an eye doctor for breanna ( it seems as though there is only one doctor in the state of florida that takes children under the age of 6 and he DOES NOT take her insurance..go figure)
-call every doctor and dentist in the phone book for mark and i to see who takes our insurance so we can be healthy again..lol ( i HAVE to get this tooth yanked out if not ill surely go insane and commit multiple homicide..also need to see about birth control, woman problems and mental issues..YAY)
-rob a bank ( i wish)
- try to find another phone company since all my stuff is going to be shut off by the 28th for lack of money therefore lack of payments
-find a job find a job find a job
-call landlord about a rent recept for the past 3 months
- when all is said and over with buy a bottle of jager, find a bottle of valiums and be happy :)

hahaha funny

i was browsing the oh so famous myspace when i ran into a bulletin that made me laugh..mostly and sadly because it is true. here ya go enjoy..lol

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission.Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').
(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' (For the woman's response refer to # 3.

this made me laugh..while i was reading i couldn't help but think back to all the times i have done this to mark ( with good reason i should add) which to me is funny...hey man he has is little smart remarks as well..i think ill come up with a list of phrases myself and post it..lol
i cant help and think back though on the many many conversations i have had with friends about us and our men or vice versa..i must say men DO take advantage of the fact that we women take care of everything around the house without much bitching ( yea we do have our days...but come on guys how often do you get on your hands and knees to clean around toilets, scrub at YOUR shit stained underwear, scrub carpets, or clean out the fridge? all the while we do these tasks we are taking care of screaming hyper children who want every second of our attention) i think we women have a right to bitch a little when it comes to us taking care of kids, taking care of the house, cooking and most of us still work ( not me at the moment BUT am looking)..in your defense i will say you guys ( that are not lazy bums anyways) do work hard to provide for our families and do the occasional labor around the house..but just take the time to think about how our jobs are 24/7 where as yours ends after 8 to 10 hours. anyways thus concludes my blogs for the night i think...until next time my friends.

bitch and moan....

OK the past few days have been a struggle to keep my sanity...to start off with our car broke down..mark is at his brothers house trying to fix it...lets hope it does get fixed..without a car mark has no job..with no job means no money...no money means us living in garbage bins which to me is NOT attractive. we struggle as it is with money and are WAYYY behind on bills right now without it making it worse..the economy sucks right now and haven't been able to find a job to help out...anyhoo on with it...i checked the mail today..got more bills that i cant pay and also a notice from the department of children and families saying we are up for review and they needs all this proof about our income in order to receive medical care for breanna and for food stamps..i hate having to live off the state and the loops they make you jump through here in the state of Florida is fucking retarded.so now i have to get all of our income together, bills, i also have to renew my ID, ect...all by the 30Th..OK NOT cool..they could have at least gave me 2 or 3 weeks instead of what 6 days?..yea not happy about it. breanna has been more hyper and whatnot than usual which has been grating my nerves to almost nothing...she had her 2 year doc appointment today..i had to take the bus which always sucks major ass..its always dirty on them and i hate to say most of the people that ride them need to look into their personal hygiene a bit more...i lost a pack of cigarettes..the ride to and from the doctor's office was not enjoyable in the least..other wise once we got there everything turned out well except she thinks she needs glasses..Ive noticed the past few weeks she has been going cross eyed when she is concentrating on something or looking far away at the TV or certain objects..i talked about it today with the doc and she was doing while we were there...he said he is more worried about maybe her eyes are just weak..not necessarily her eye sight is bad..so he referred her to an eye doctor which i have to make an appointment with tomorrow..she also has had a kidney reflux ever since she was 6 months old ( her pee flushes back into her kidneys from her bladder when she goes to urinate instead of just going out directly) so i have to make an appointment with her urologist too just check up on t even though she has had no problems recently..she has yet another appointment next week on the 29Th to get her shots because they were out of them today..yay..soo in conclusion all these appointments need to happen BEFORE the 30Th just in case welfare wants to be assholes about stuff and decide to cut us off. ( there should be no reason why they would but..hey they have before over something stupid..the welfare system here in Florida reeks of bile...they are the most unorganized non caring people i have ever ran into my entire life..i despise them with a passion).i get home today and my house is being invaded by ants...ALOT of them...so to make it clear..I'm very annoyed today and wish i had a double shot of jager and a joint....

i realize this blog is very poorly written and i care not..im pissed off and probably make no sense what so ever

insomnia and boredom prevails....

well it is 1 30 in the morning and i am not asleep yet...these days i tend to be something of a insomniac...basically because im a momma and it seems the only time i ever get to myself is this time of night whether it be reading a book, taking one of them there bath things ive heard of ( hardy har har) or yes getting on here to do absolutely nothing except lose more brain cells. keep in mind i do this after getting breanna to bed at around 10pm if im lucky, cleaning the house afterwards of the havoc nay nay throws upon it ( you would be surprised that a 2 year old in my opinion reaks the same havoc on a home as a level 3 tornado) and tending to the needs of my fiance ( well not only HIS needs tee hee)

tonight i was reading my friends blog and she introduced in it her pet chincilla (sp?) chiru...he is adorable and has inspired me to share my cat phoenix to you lovely bloggers of the world out there. so here he is.

as you can see ( well sort of) he is a long hair black cat with a white underside to his tail ( i like to call him my reverse skunk..yea i know im lame)

he is being blinded by my camara

here is a decent piture of his tail..i love it

notice the look of discontent about being photographed..man does he fit right in the family :D

and just because my kid is awesome and adorable...here is a picture of her playing with phoenix about a month ago.

well this concludes my boredom for tonight unless i find something interesting or of worth to share with you guys..until next time

potty training 101

well now that my daughter is 2 ive started the potty training process...most of which is just trying to get nay nay to sit on it....although today im so proud she pooped for the first time in the potty..unfortunally the poop was extra sticky sort so when she went to get up after she finished it fell to the floor in a messy PLOP...oh well its still the fact that she took the time to actually sit on it and poop. so success is in the making..wish me luck fellow potty training parents out there.

birthdays, breanna, bad teeth and thank yous

well breanna's 2nd birthday was on the 11th although me and breezy were out of town for it so we just had a party for he yesterday. just something of a simple nature..ive come to the conclusion that we will have her first big party next year since it seems most people dont have their first memories until after the age of 3. we had a few gifts, cake, ice cream and the few people i know in my area. it was nice and breanna had a blast tearing apart wrapping paper and ooohing over her presents. we adults watched, laughed and chit chatted to ourselves. anyways on to the list of presents and thank yous even though no one will probably see this except for mary.

mary and jeremy- clothes. 3 outfits to be exact that are adorable :) and blueberry pancakes :)
while i was out of town they came to see me and we took the girls to the park, they bought us dinner at i hop, bought breanna the clothing and also went to see another good friend of ours andrew. it was a great day and i miss being around them alot :(

mom- clothes, a spongebob toy, and 300 bucks hard cash..momma i LOVE YOU..lol

mark's parents- books, a doll stroller, a doll, a tinkerbell bucket, stuffed bunny and a rubber duck.

marissa- radio flyer tricycle, books, stuffed animals, my little pony toy, and i cant remember what else.

aunt sandi and erin- an outfit plus they threw a small party for breanna while i was in wv.

bryan and cherie- sit n spin, a license plate for her tricycle

brittany and tyler- 2 outfits

aunt norma- 50 bucks, a memory spoon, a few stuffed animals

uncle JR and aunt chad- took us out to lunch, a toy mircophone and spent time with us

last but not least...

me and mark- a HUGE coloring book, 2 baby dolls, a play diaper bag with stuff(fake bottles, spoons, bowls, lotion, ect) in it for her baby doll, crayons, a movie, a press n dash. puzzles, clothes, and new sippy cups.

if i forgot anyone oh well you probably wont see this anyways ;)

My kid alays makes out great for her birthday and christmas...no wonder she is spoiled to the core..on a lighter note she is happy with no matter what she gets..hopefully she stays that way. i dont want her growing up not appreciating what she gets or throw fits over something she didnt get. i will NOT have a brat for a child.

anyhoo it was a good day yesterday for our little party and those who couldnt be here that i saw before hand in wv or ohio were awesome and we love you guys. i must say my family and friends i couldnt ask for better ones..so thanks everyone for everything an all the kindness you have shown me and most of all my daughter. you guys totally rock.

besides having a party though i made an unwnted trip to the ER. yay me. i woke up at 7 in the morning feeling like my head was going to explode of my shoulders. ive had a tooth ache for the past week or so. i guess it is abcessed now. once again yay me. the people at the ER were total dickheads, they didnt give me anything for pain and just basically told meto go to the dentist. ( tell me something i dont know..but hey its sunday and im not waiting when my head feels like its being beat with a shovel assholes) there was a guy next to me who just got in an accident and busted his leg to hell. they didnt even give him anything for pain. i was like WOW..ttally never coming to this hospital again. they did send me home with some antibiotics to get rid of the infection in my jaw and some vicodine. thumps up for a pill buzz ;). i went to walmart tofll the perscriptions, while waiting on them i did shopping for breanna's party and browsed around. ive had some "itchyness" in my no no area ( yea gross i know) so i was looking through the vagisil and other creams. i picked up the walmart brand and its discription of use made me giggle.
"for external use- place small amount of cream on tip of finger massaging into and around vagina for decrease itching and scratchyness" just thought i would share with you folks on that one. hopefully it made you giggle as well :D

anyways thats all i have to say for now. until next time my fellow pirates

a little about me...

1. first and for most..i am a mother of a beautiful 2 year old little girl Breanna whom i like to call breezy or "nay nay" :)

2. i have a fiance of 8 year whom i am very fond of and love.

3. i never use punctuation..get used to it cause i dont care ;)

4. ive been told im an odd individual but i like to think im the normal one

5. i have an obsession with johnny depp..not for what you think. i find him to be a kind talented soul who still seems to be human even after being in hollywood forthe past 20 years..something very rare in the entertainment business these days..that being said i appreciate the man and his movies. this same obsession is also towards his collaege tim burton.

6. i perfer independant movies, odd bands no one has heard of, and art that seems to make sense only to others like myself.

7. i have a dreadful fear of cars ( driving them mostly), spiders, bad things happening to my daughter, being alone at death, and the dark.

. i love taking pictures. mainly of my daughter and of odd objects. ( pics will be posted soon enough ;)

9. ive been told i can sing very well.i think those people have something wedged in their frontal lobe.

10. i have alot of dreams and ambitions but no drive period to go through with them..that also includes the finishing of this post..haha

now for your veiwing pleasure..pictures of my babydoll and of my oddities :D

the talk of religion....

Its been awhile since I have actually blogged about anything of worth other than ranting. For a change I'm going to actually start blogging about my thoughts and feelings about issues or current events. I do have some sort of intelligence and my past few blogs on my other channels (myspace facebook,ect) I go back and read them and they seem to make no sense or appear as childish to me. Don't get me wrong I will still rant and rave, but I'm going to try and write consistently and coherently instead of..well..word vomit.
So here is todays topic.
You ready?
Your probably going to be pissed and frankly I don't give a rats ass.
Hypocrical Christians.
Yep you heard me. Hypocritical Christians.
It has been something that has been bothering me and others for quite some time and now is the time to write about it. At least for me. I look at the world today and all seems to be in a shit hole. All you hear about is violence, rapes, whores, ect, ect. Everyone needs to have some faith and make the world a better place in any way that he/she is capable of. The human race needs each other and despite our differences we need to start getting past the issues we have with each other and standas ONE. What does this have to do with hypocritical Christians you may ask? With all this going on I hear Christians who rub their religion in others faces preaching about this or that and how it is wrong or horrible. All the while they are preaching they live their lives commiting the 7 deadly sins.(which DOES tie into the 10 commandments thank you ;) That is why I call them hypocritical Christians. Please don't rub my life and how I'm going to hell in my face just because I think, look or live my life differently when all the while your not being so "christian" youself. Doesn't it say in the Bible to love thy neighbor? Isn't part of being a Christian include having love in your heart and acceptance for others even if they think or live differently? Me and many many others out there live decent lives and are good people. Hypocritial Christians on the other hand tend to claim they are holy and then the next thing you know they are out buying a whore, gambling, ignoring their children, not teaching their children morals, humility, or not to be judgemental. Also killing others in the name of God, raping children, or commiting whatever other crimes out there that is definally not what I have been taught as "Christian." I do believe in God. I have my own ideas and beliefs of how our guy in the sky is going to judge us and how things may be. I am not going to go base my beliefs and faith on a book that has neither been proven or disproven. Thats like taking someones word for a babysitter with no reference in my eyes. That does NOT make me a bad person. If thats how you believe that is great. I'm happy for those who believe in any religion and have faith because I have tremendous faith in my idea of God. I stand by my beliefs very strongly. I love to learn about other's religions and I have a very open mind for each and every one. But please don't claim to be ANY religion for that matter then preach, and then do the exact opposite of that religion. It obviously makes you look like an ass, a liar and a hypocrite. I'm not saying you have to be a saint. No one in this world is perfect and that is God's will. It would be a pretty dull life and earth if everyone was an exact replica of A.I. Everyone makes mistakes. I'm referring to your lifestyle in general. Some people out there really need to take a good long look in the mirror and at their own life before throwing complaints, insults and hatred to others who are different. WEll this concludes my rant for the day..have a good one peeps :)