OMG!!..a post.....

Yes I know i fell off the face of the earth since my last post..but I did with good reasons I assure you. First of all we moved back to WV..that is a long story in itself so I'll skip it. Breanna is getting bigger and sassier by the minute which is incredibly cute most of the time then the rest it is quite annoying and/or embarrassing. She is excited about becoming a big sister ( which by the way Lucian Alexander will officially be here on Friday the 11th..thank god...I'm so ready to have him..this pregnancy has been rough but I'm happy ) Mark is getting ready to go to school..I'm very proud of him. I know he has been stressed out so I'm hoping doing something new and also something he wants to do will relieve a little bit of the stress on his back. As for me I'm trying to take it easy while also taking care of Breanna and getting things ready for the new boy. I am going to steam clean my couch ( compliments to Mary...THANK YOU again) which is fun :)
Anyways I said it was a post but its not a long ne..when I have more time to blog and actually THINK about what I'm blogging about I'll post again...until next folks!

la di da di da

First of all...Over the counter Dentek temporary filling is my new god. I bought some last night and almost instantly after applying it to the gaping hole in my tooth pain started to cease. I am totally buying out the whole supply next time I make a trip to wally world. All this relief for the fabulous price of 3 bucks. Yes people 3 bucks. I strongly urge if you have a toothache and the cause is a cavity, hole, loose crown etc, to buy this stuff. *does happy dance*

In other news I am for once done with Easter holiday shopping. the past 2 years Mark and I have a bad habit of waiting till the day before Easter and all the good crap is gone. I decided while at walmart I would go ahead and get it over with. Glad I did. Not only did I have a great selection to choose from but it wasn't a mad house yet. Breanna now has some presents to look forward to here soon.

The original reason I went to Walmart is to buy hair clippers. I totally shaved Phoenix. ( pics to come) I have reasons. One He is very long haired and had alot of matted fur on the underneath side. Two I totally wanted to see what he looks like with a lion cut. Its totally awesome but I'm never going to shave him again. Too much of a pain in the ass. I can say he was awfully patient with me. I have the best cat in the world. I have to say it is a funny sight seeing him almost bald. poor kitty.

My bargain luck kicked in for a brief moment. I found Breanna a toddler bed with the mattress for..guess what?..just guess?...a DOLLAR!..yes my friends a dollar. And its perfect. Its a light brown color and fits perfectly in the space I had for it. I am so happy!!! Hopefully my luck stays with me in the hunt for more baby items I;m going to need in the future.

Well thus concluded my post for now..there is alot more going on in my life that isn't so pleasant but I'll save that for another day...until next time folks.

Bible bangers, tooth aches, other stuff.

Ok soooo...I've been trying to be a great momma these dyas...I've been taking Breanna on walks, to the pool, flying kites with her and trying to be a little bit more patient. So far I'm am quite pleased at myself and I also feel better too getting out of the house more often with my baby girl. The past few months I've been feeling so down and out and sadly Breanna has been paying the price. Well no more I say which is why the effort is being made and it is in fact successful so far. YAY!. Breanna also loves to sit with me online ( mainly cause it annoys me and she knows it) but instead of getting impatient with her, I've been going to youtube and looing up funny videos to watch with her. She loves alvin and the chipmunks so she spends most of the time begging to watch those while singing witch doctor...too cute really it is. I love her to bits :)

In other news, today I was exceptionally rude ( Mary you know me and the word rude..no exceptions eh?...lmao) to a bunch of bible bangers. No offense to them there Christian folk. I was on the comp looking up news when the doorbell rang. Mark had just left to go around the corner to get cigarettes otherwise I would have let him answer it. ( we both have this unspoken agreement that who ever is on the computer when we are both home doesn't have to get up to do anything including answering the phone, doorbell, you get the drift right?) So I got up to answer the door and this man with a huge clipboard was just standing there. I assumed cause of the way he was dressed and the clipboard ( it looked like something someone working for a utility company would use) I asked if I could help him thinking maybe its the carpet people ( supposed to finally get that done soon by the way) or maybe the electric company letting me know something whatever it may be. This man answers me by saying he is going around the neighborhood asking people if they could do a short survey. Without knowing what it was for I just politely answered I would rather not as he could see I have a daughter who was at my heels begging for a snack. Maybe next time hun. He got pissy with me and handed me a flier ( now it hit me what he wanted) saying well if I believed in god and THERE is one MA'AM ( assuming just because of my rejection I automatically am a satanist or what not..haha) then I would gladly take 10 minutes to talk with him and take his survey. Now I'm pissed. I tell the stupid asshole that NO I'm not interested again ( still being polite mind you) and progressed to say goodbye. This dumb mother fucked attempted to push my door open to further ridicule my decision to not talk to him. Now I'm furious. I tell him to back the FUCK up off my door FUCK off and then kindly slam the door in the dipshit's face. I had never been so angry with these people. How dare they be rude? What the hell does that say about their religion, church, etc? I am usually polite to anyone who knocks on my door, and if it happens to be someone wanting to spread their word of "god" then I'll sometimes politely listen, give in my 2 cents and kindly tell them good day. Other times if I just don't feel like listening or debating I'll kindly tell them I'm busy, sorry maybe some other time and once again kindly say goodbye. I hate it when these people. End of story. GRRRRRRRR. I'm still fuming over it. Mark laughed when I told him. He said he saw them down the street and was trying to hurry back to have something to say. ( one of Mark's fave past time is to scare these poor people..according to alot of them we are going straight to hell because of this) I told him what happened and he said he wished he would have seen that. I guess my neighbor saw what happened and told Mark golly good for me..lol. hopefully I was mean enough so these people would spread the word and not go to the crazy woman with the filthy house and little girl on 15th place. One can only hope though.
In other news. I am up writing this blog because I a min sever pain and I need something to take my mind off of it. My tooth is once again bothering me. I need to get it pulled. On top of the worst toothache of my life, I have a bad migraine too. A double whammy as some would call it. My whole head feels like it is a ticking clock about to explode any given minute off my shoulders. Hey maybe I would feel better once it happened. Lets do like the psycho bible bangers and pray that happens. Uggg. Well I guess I'm off to bed now. I'm done saying what I have to say. If I have not posted a comment on your blog and I am one that follows you. I am sorry. As I have stated I have been spending time with my daughter and in the mean time stay sick or in pain..it never ends. ( sorry Mary, I really need to go to your blog and catch up on my reading there...I promise I will) anyways goodnight folks.

Here we go!

Ok I don't really have a good excuse for not blogging. I have been either busy, sick, or just had really nothing of worth to talk about. The past few days have been a little more eventful so I decided to blow the cobwebs off my blog page and add a new post. I have been feeling a little better mentally lately. Breanna and I have been playing games for much of the day while Mark is gone or just being silly. Yesterday she got a new movie in the mail...the ever popular classic Disney's Peter Pan. She loves it and goes around yelling Here we go!..Hence the name of my post. Also yesterday we made a trip to the pool with my neice and friend Jen. Breanna has a new bathing suit that has a life jacket attachment if you want it. breanna loves the water but for safety reasons I perfer a life jacket on her so the bathing suit was a god send. It was funny watching her in the water she kinda looked like a turtle stuck on its back. She would lay back in the water and the life jacket keeping her afloat she would tread water with her arms..it was really a funny sight. She played with some other kids in the baby pool area for a long time which is great to watch. My poor daughter never has anyone o play with and she loves other children. I can't wait to have this baby so she won't be so lonely anymore..lol.
After a day of fun in the sun, we went and got food and icecream at Dairy queen. Hot fudge sunday shakes rock hard ass when your pregnant :) Breanna enjoyed ers as well...for some reason she perfers shakes over an actual cone. Which of course is fine by me cause no mess but I still find it odd. My kid is just really smart and knows its easier for mommy I guess..lol.
Even though we had a great day and it had been so long since I have done anything like this with Breanna, I was still upset most of the day. I thought my cat was gone for good. He is an indoor cat but every once in a while I'll let him go outside because he loves it out there and always stays in front of the house. The night before last he was outside and I wen to bed telling Mark not to forget about Phoenix. Well the next day Phoenix wasn't in the house so I thought Mark just didn't let him in. I opened the door and called for him to come for food. He didn't come. This is weird for my cat. he is like a dog in alot of ways. He is very loyal and he has never NOT come when I call for him. I woke up Mark and asked where the cat was and he said he tried to find him last night to let him in but he was no where to be found. Mark assumed maybe he found a girlfriend or something and would be back in the morning. Now I'm a little worried but I thought if I kept calling him he would be back before I was to leave for the pool..No such luck. When I came back from the pool 5 hours later, I laid Breanna down for a nap while Mark was still home and went looking for him in my neighborhood. I walked up and down the streets calling him afraid I would find him on the side of the road as road kill. No luck. I came home and bawled on Mark's shoulder. I know it sounds pathetic to be so upset over an animal but this cat is my darling. I've never had one like him or looked like him. He is my best and really only friend here in Florida. He loves me dearly and is such a sweet heart. Mark felt bad even though he doesn't like Phoenix that much ( mark is NOT an animal person period..lol) and went out to look for him before work. He had no luck either. Well after being upset about my cat I finally fell asleep with breanna myself since I was exhausted from the already long day I had had. Breanna woke me up 2 hours later asking for something to drink, something she always does right after she wakes up then she asked where Phoenix was. I got upset again cause the damn cat is also Breanna's only real friend and she even realizes he is gone. Ugggg. Finally after I had lost hope in finding him thinking either he was dead or picked up by someone, he came home a little after midnight. I was excited and happy and pissed at the same time. Kinda funny really. I think he got stuck somewhere or in a fight, maybe both. My poor kitty was covered in mud, looked as if he clawed his way out of something and was slightly limping. He was also scared shitless. He is attached to me something crazy but I guess whatever happened to him has made him extra clingy. Ever since he has been home he stays by my side or at my feet. So glad he is home :)
In other news, little things anyways. I finally got my hair cut and it looks good!..I'll post pics sometime later. It has been so long since I have had a GOOD haircut that I forgot what it was like..lol. Also did a little shopping and got Breanna some new sandals, Mark new shoes and myself new flip flops ( I rarely wear tennis shoes living here..shoes for me are cheap..lol) I also fell off the wagon and got a new book. Reason I put it this way is that I promised myself I wouldn't let curiousity get the best of me. Well I did. I got the first book from the Twilight series. I must say it is a great story. Not the best written but still good. I got hooked as soon as I was past page 2 and finished it within 8-9 hours. I'm ashamed...lol. I am not one for love stories at all, I've read only a handful most of which I had heard about and didn't know it was a love story. This one is for sure different and like I said I surprised myself by being hooked into it. Mark said he was going to get me the movie since I liked the book so much I told him not to buy it to just put it in netflix cause books and movies are not the same. I have wasted so much money buying movies that were off books I loved and ended up the movie blew ass. This isn't always the case but it is the majority for me. I did however tell him he could get me the rest of the series :)
My pregnancy is going well. I'm feeling better for the most part. I still have days but at least now I feel well enough to get off my ass and spend time with my family. I'm hoping to start to feel movement soon. I know it varies but I had movement early with Breanna and I'm hoping the same for this baby main reason being I'm a worry wart..lol. I'm showing a little. Clothes are getting tighter..not happy about that already but oh well. Smoking is NOT going good..shame on me I know :( I'm trying though and am making sure I do everythin else right..thats no excuse and I'm not using it as one but I am trying. I'm just weak and things get to me easily therefore I reach for that pack of cancer. GRRRR.
I think that about concludes my post for now. I'm going to go fly a kite I bought for Breanna the other day now :) Should be fun. I haven't flown a kite in years and I hope Breanna enjoys it too :)

Pregnancy update and neighborly ruckus....

Yesterday I had a long day. I didn't get any sleep thanks to a kidney infection therefore having the urge to urinate every 10 minutes. In between relieving my bladder I have an itchy crotch due to yeast infection thanks to the antibiotic I am on for the kidney infection. Lovely right? After getting such a restful night I showered, dressed and was on my way to the doctor at 8am by bus to be there by 10am. It is a 10 minute drive from my apartment but due to the fact I have to take 2 buses to get there it takes me 2 hours each way. YAY.
I get to the doctor and get another ultrasound. They have once again changed my due date. It is now the 18th of September. Seems as though little one doesn't want to make up his.her mind as to when they will come out...lol. My doctor is awesome. I love her. I talked to her about my craziness and she now has me on Zoloft for the time being. After many many questions of taking this medication and the safety of it and research of my own before filling it, I think it is for the best. My doctor also thinks its for the best for the baby since my pregnancy hasnt been exactly cake. She thinks me going without medication can do some serious harm to myself and baby. I just hope it works. I don't want to take anything if I don't have to but the think is is I do have to. I can't stand myself anymore let alone my family. Mark supports me either way which is a relief. He just wants me an the baby to be ok. Most of all I want to feel like a mother again and not some pissy woman watching a kid. I love my daughter more than anything and she deserves better therefore I want to give it to her. Hopefully this is a step to doing that.
As for everything else with my pregnancy, things seems to be going along fine. Baby seems to be doing good. I heard the heartbeat for the first time. It was AWESOME. I really am looking forward to having another baby and for Breanna to have a sibling. Maybe this is what I need who knows..lol.
Speaking of Breanna. She is a great kid. I really couldn't ask for a better one. I was so tired yesterday I kept nodding off. Breanna asked me to watch a movie so I put in Bee movie and she sat beside me on the couch to watch it. She came up to me and went awww mommy it ok you sleepy (seepy..lol) I said yea momma is tired. She continued watching Bee movie and I guess I fell asleep for a little over an hour. When I woke up I freaked out cause well you know falling asleep with a 2 year old on the loose is a big No NO in the mommy area. Breanna was still sitting beside me. She sat there the whole time while I slept. She saw I was awake and got up, gave me a kiss and asked for a snack. She is so smart and loving and I really don't deserve her, but I'm soooo glad she is mine :)
In other news, I have new neighbors. They just moved in yesterday a woman and I guess her husband. I met the woman outside when I just got home. We introduced ourselves and I went inside. She seemed to be really nice. The husband/boyfriend.fuck buddy I didn't talk to. Well last night I was laying down with Breanna in the bedroom to finally sleep for the night when I kept hearing a huge commotion outside. Though I heard breaking glass, stuff being thrown and screaming. Promptly after it stopped, Mark came into the bedroom and told me he called the cops. I asked why cause normally he doesn't care about noise or rowdiness unless its REALLY bad. He said he was outside when all the stuff was going down and it was the new neighbors. I guess the guy was screaming at the woman, throwing stuff out the door, hitting Mark's uncle's car with the stuff, and then ran around out back because the woman locked him out. He tried to break in through the back to get in and broke the sliding glass door on their apartment. Mark was afraid he was going to hurt her I guess. I don't want this shit around my kid. If I would have known what was going on I would have called them too. Plus sorry newbies my neighborhood is quiet..don't need your bullshit and its good that people will put you in your place right away. I have kids, don't fucking need the bullshit. Plus even though I'm from the hood and am used to stuff like this. I haven't had to deal with it for 2 years now. I'm not about to start dealing with it again. It scares me and you never know what people like that are capable of. So fuck off.
Anyways I guess that is all for now....until next time folks.

Losing my mind.....

I know for certain it is happening...I'm losing my mind. I know it has alot to do with this pregnancy ( which has not treated me kindly already ) along with the fact that I'm unhappy with pretty much everything going on in my life right now. No job, no money, struggling day by day..not being able to pay our bills. The past year has been awful. My moods have been getting worse. I have been distant with Mark and Breanna. I feel annoyed at the slightest things and angry at the most ridiculous. But since I have been pregnant my mood swings have been going from one side of the pendulum to the other within seconds. For example, last night Mark came home. I was already in a bad mood because Breanna just simply wouldn't leave me be. ( It wasn't her fault she is just wanting my attention. I feel like a horrible mother these days because I haven't been giving her the attention she needs and have actually been angry when she wants it. I don't know how to change this and I want to desperately. ) Anyways I was in an awful mood and it seemed as though anything Mark said to me I shot it right back in his face. There have been some things that need to be done and I asked him when he was going to do them and he didn't answer me...I lost it. I started screaming literally at the top of my lungs at him. What I said I can't really remember but I know it wasn't pretty. I started doing dishes and I started bawling. I cried and cried. After about 20 minutes I started dinner and came into the living room to get online for a minute. Mark was playing game cube with Breanna since it is the easiest game system for her. It reminded me of something I found funny on youtube. A video of people singing Nintendo game theme songs A Capella. I showed it to Mark and he told me it was "stupid". Mistake. It went right threw me. I NEVER tell him when I think when something is stupid that he shows me. It was like this beast in me was released. I got up from the computer to get dinner on the plates and served. While in the process I was slamming stuff around. Mark asked what the "fuck" was wrong with me. Mistake again. I had a ketchup bottle in my hand at the time and I chucked it as hard as I could at the wall opposite me in the living room. Ketchup went EVERYWHERE. I have a white couch. It was all over it. On the walls, the floor, some of Breanna's toys. Mark gave me this dumbfounded yet angry look and I lost it again. I started screaming at him again about how he "hurt" my feelings. Between this and me throwing the ketchup, I scared Breanna. She has never seen me act so crazily. She has seen me angry with Mark, but not angry and crazy. She started to cry and went to Mark for comfort. Mark looked at me and said "See what you did? You happy now?" I said I didn't care anymore or something along those lines. Mark got Breanna calmed down and sat her down to eat. He told her to leave me alone while making bad comments about me to her. Mistake again but I didn't throw anything I just yelled. What I don't know. While eating no one said anything. I didn't expect it nor did I want it. I put Breanna to bed with me, read her a story and talked to her in a soothing voice telling her I was sorry. I bawled again. breanna cried with me and hugged me. Once again I feel like a horrible mother and I know that reading to her and cuddling with her and talking with her doesn't make up for what I did. I think we both fell asleep crying. I woke up at around 3 in the morning. Mark is still awake on the computer playing Gild Wars. There is still a nasty cold tension. I think there will be for a couple of days. I feel bad yet again. I break down and smoke a cigarette. I head to bed again waking up on and off in the night.
Today is the same. My mood is bad. I am distant from my daughter but not mean. I want help and I have none. I am going to talk with my doctor Monday during my appointment about this. It can't go on. I need medication I know I do or else I'm afraid of doing something utterly regrettable.

Epica..Memory

Ok so here is one of my top bands Epica...I love Simone I think she is awesome and I'm completely jealous of her. I love opera and I love metal and she and her fellow band members have blended the 2 perfectly. (this was MY dream to do...lol) I also found a new reason to love them. They covered Memory and its beautiful. I'm a lover of all music and appreciate most of everything and Memory is one of my all time favorite songs since I was a wee lass. I want this song played at my funeral. ( in the original version sung by Elaine Paige ) I am posting the video and lyrics for all of you to enjoy...so do so!





lyrics:
Midnight, not a sound from the pavement
Has the moon lost her memory?
She is smiling alone
In the lamplight
The withered leaves collect at my feet
And the wind begins to moan

Memory, all alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days
Life was beautiful then
I remember
The time I knew what happiness is
Let the memory live again

Every street lamp
Seems to beat
A fatalistic warning
Someone mutters
And a street lamp gutters
And soon it will be morning

Daylight, I must wait for the sunrise
I must think of a new life
And I mustn't give in
When the dawn comes
Tonight will be a memory too
And a new day will begin

Burnt out ends of smokey days
The stale cold smell of morning
The street lamp dies
Another night is over
Another day is dawning

Touch me, it's so easy to leave me
All alone with my memory
Of my days in the sun
If you touch me
You'll understand what happiness is
Look a new day has begun...

A story....

There once was a young woman who decided to take her precious daughter Breanna on an early morning walk since Breanna decided that 7 am is the perfect time to wake up and see how fine a day it was. The young woman although disgruntled about getting out of bed before 9 am thought a walk would be a good idea. ( or hopefully tire little Breanna out as to hope she would lay down when they got home) So away they went into the rising sun around the block towards a nice little shopping center to look around ( and buy cigarettes for daddy later )
All of a sudden they hear a beautiful bird singing from a telephone pole top ( no tree tops in this story since they hardly exsist on the woman's street) Little Breanna looks up and yells "ohhh pretty bird!!" As if in response, the bird looks down at her, flaps its pretty black wings, and releases it's bowels all over the place barely missing the woman and the child. Little Breanna then screams "EWWWWW you yucky bird!! You poopy and not pretty no more!!!"
This makes the woman laugh hysterically therefore strangers giving her odd stares. It makes her day already and the day really does seem fine one.

The End.

Dreams...hmmmm

Well last night I kept having this strange dream that also kept reoccurring as if it did not want me to forget it any time soon. Some very little details are a little fuzzy because the last of the dream is absolute madness but it goes a little something like this...

Mark and I are visiting my sister and her family in Ohio. I guess we are having a family reunion because alot of other people are about and there was plenty of food. Mark is hanging out with the boys and my sister's husband and I am helping with the cooking keeping to myself for some reason. ( maybe because I'm a horrible cook in the dream and would think it would burn if left unattended..who knows..lol) After awhile I go outside to join the others talking and I feel some unspoken tension between my sister and I. ( I lived with her for a time when i was in my early teens, we didn't get along so great and it seemed like the same tension even though these dayswe are extremely close.) I ask her what is wrong if she is angry with me for any reason and she said no if I didn't know what was wrong then I didn't need to be told. This confused me and I told her I was sorry but I don't understand. She just walks away from me without saying a word. I'm upset and her husband comes up to me and apologizes for her behavior not to take it to heart. He looks at me teary eyed and tells me I need to know whats wrong. I ask what it is and he says that my sister had been diagnosed with dementia and sometimes time is confusing to her. I start to cry and then suddenly the dream changes. I am now in my own home alone cleaning up ( haha even in dreams what else is new right?) In this part of the dream I seem troubled and am running around frantically as if I was looking for something misplaced and need to find it right then. All of a sudden I am hearing this voice telling me to do things ( This I can't remember what it was telling me but I guess I don't like it) I look outside and it is this entity in the sky telling me to do the things. I tell it no that I don't want to its not right ( damn I wish I could remember what it was trying to tell me) the entity becomes angry and growls at me. It was beautiful outside but then all of a sudden the sky is filled with hellish storm clouds. Rain starts to pour, lightning flashes and the entity growls at me again telling me I have to do as it says. I tell it no once again. Now the clouds in the sky start forming a funnel. The tornado comes right through my window breaking it and trying to grab me.

At this point I wake up. I have a deathly fear of storms of this sort so an entity trying to get me to do something picked a right choice to frighten me. I hate tornadoes and hurricanes. It just freaks me out more than anything because these monsters are real and can cause so much damage and death. "sigh" I wish I could understand this dream. It has me puzzled for 2 reasons. What the dream was about and the fact I dreamt it 4 times in one night. Any opinions anyone who may run into my page???

Anyways I guess this concludes my post for today. until next time floks.

Some shit different day...

All the same is here in my little world. It is blissfully dull I must say. I enjoy being a mom no doubt but I am tired of never doing anything or going anywhere. It really starts to make a person question their sanity at some points. I enjoy everyday with my daughter. She makes most of my dull days interesting at least a few times a day. Everyday is something new with her and I love it. Being pregnant and having complications already though has taken its toll on my pride. I hate not being able to do things I love to do. I feel Breanna is getting the short end of the stick as well because of it. I am on strict instructions not to lift above 10 pounds or doing anything for long periods of time with plenty of rest in between. Because of this, I am trying not to pick her up too much which saddens me when all she wants is to be held. At these times I taken to sitting with her on the couch and doing what we do best. Watching movies or reading. But I still feel like she isn't getting the attention she deserves with doing the things we normally do like long walks during the day or me running around the house chasing her and her laughing...sigh..I hope I'm not on bed rest for forever.

In other news. I had my follow up appointment with my OBGYN yesterday. It went well. The doctor said I'm fine and the baby is fine. She is checking my hormone levels again because I guess they were a tid bit low according to the ER records and then comparing them to my previous levels they did in the office. She was looking through the test from the ER visit and asking me questions about the bleeding and what has happened since then, she seems to think that because of my bicornuate uterus I could have possibly been carrying twins and lost one.

By the way here is a site to rad up on bicornuate uterus if you want to educate yourself..lol


This is unfortunate but maybe for the best. This will be my last pregnancy anyways cause I really never wanted anymore than 2 kids and if something may have been wrong then I look at it as for the best. I'm not sure if this is what happened or not but either way hopefully all comes out well from now on. Also according to what my doctor said this would be the reason for the few miscarriages I have had and in the long run it will cause me problems. She said alot of women go through life with this with no problems what so ever while others may have to have hysterectomies at early ages. "Sigh" my body sucks. Anyways I can't have sex for a month. Which sucks but it ok. Mark understand and want what is best for me and the baby. I have to give him his kudos because he has been so awesome during all this. I'm definally going to have to find a way to make it up to him. I'm sure I can find a way. ( snickers)
I guess this concludes my blog for today or whenever. Hopefully I'll run into some intersting news I can complain or belittle.

Valentines Day

Well today went extremely normal for the most part. I have still been taking it easy until Monday when I go to the doctor again to see how things are going with the baby. Breanna and I pretty much lounged around all day doing what we normally do. Pretty basic. Her playing with her toys and watching her favorite videos, me playing on the computer or sitting and watching videos with her. Later in the day we took a really late nap which is a bad thing but whatever. Just means Breanna will be up all night go to sleep and go to bed early tomorrow cause she will not need a nap. This again I am used to and it is a regular thing. I don't mind most nights. Mark had to work today. I swear it seems as though one of us the whole 8 years we have been together always had to work holidays. Kinda sucks but we are used to it. We also had no money to celebrate Valentines day but then again its bot a big deal. As long as we are together and say I love you's its considered a good one to me. Mark however surprised me today. I had asked before he left for work if he could he should bring home some pizza from work and stop by the store to get something to drink. When he came home he had everything I had asked for. He told me to check the pizza to make sure he had the toppings I wanted. When I opened it he had cut the pizza (thin crust with pepperoni) into a heart With pineapple he wrote I love you. It was extremely sweet and yet so simple and it cost nothing for him to do. It made my day and it will be a valentines day I wont forget. I loved it. Tomorrow my landlord is supposed to finally put carpet in my house. Upside of this would be well new carpet and the old dirty ass carpet will be gone. Downside would be the fact my house isn't up to par and things are in the way. Between Mark working and me being out of commission because of pregnancy complications we haven't been able to do what we need to do. Hopefully we can suggest to do this next weekend and he won't be mad. Anyways I guess this concludes my post for this evening. Have a good one peoples.

EDIT: Mark also gave my cat a bath last night...it WAS the perfect Valentines day!!!

The woes of pregnancy

Ok so yesterday was one of the worst days ever. But its alright now thank god man.
Yesterday morning I woke up with Breanna to do my daily routine which includes emptying my bladder when first waking up. When I went to pee I noticed I had some weird goowey brown stuff coming out of my no no area. I started to worry a bit so I called my OBGYN to let them know what was going on. They basically told me to take it easy and gave me instructions which was more or less bed rest. I did the best I could with hardly doing anything which is a challenge when you already have a toddler running around but for the most part except checking on Breanna and making her food I sat on my ass all day. Later on Breanna and i took a late nap waking up at around 9.30 pm. I go to relieve myself yet again and this time I'm bleeding. Not spotting but straight up bleeding profusely. I'm panicked. I'm afraid of miscarrying since I have before and the fact I was alone at home. I call Mark at work crying telling him to please come home. He is home within a few minutes. In the mean time Mark's uncle Johnny and his girl Jen came over to sit with me. They happened to knock on the door at the right time cause I was in hysterics. Breanna probably thought mommy was insane. Anyhoo. Jen takes Mark and I to the emergency room while Breanna went to stay the night with Mark's brother. During this visit to the hospital my poor vagina got insulted something terrible. I had blood drawn. a pap smear and an internal ultrasound which neither is a pick nick let me tell you. I'm worried and in pain but the bleeding had slowed down alot and was beginning to stop. Come to find out the baby is ok. Everything seemed in order with the pap smear and the ulrasound. No weird fluids were seen and the baby was healthy with a heart rate of 174. My cervix was closed and there didn't seem to be any previous openings to cause the bleeding. All they could really tell me was I had a "threatened miscarriage" which is what they call any bleeding during pregnancy. I asked the doctor since the baby was fine what could cause it and she said there was really no way of telling exactly what but she gave me some ideas as to why. One of them being sex. Sometimes when the uterus during pregnancy is swelling and there is movement sometimes during sex you can hit a blood vessel, or I had basically a small period meaning there was stuff left over that needed to come out which I suppose is actually a good thing. SO in the end the baby is fine. I am put on bed rest until I see my doctor and get further instructions. No sex no nothing. I'm extremely sore today and am hoping for the best. So for your viewing pleasure I have pictures of my first ultrasound showing I am 8 weeks and 2 days along. Oh and I think I am going to call it munchkin until I find out the sex...Breanna was thrilled to see the gummibear size picture of her little brother or sister. YAY!

facebook thingy

Here is a thing I did on facebook...since I really have nothing to say I'm just going to post this...enjoy peoples.



1.First and fore most, I am a mother of a beautiful little girl. To me life no longer has any meaning if she is not in it. She is the light of my life and I love her with everything that is in me. She brings emotions i didn't even know existed until she was born. She can make me laugh and cry within the same instant. Yes she is awesome. :)


2.I am currently expecting my second child..this time hopefully a boy but I'll be happy either way. After this one I am done. I only want 2 kids and I am getting what I want so that satisfies me. I respect people with large families since I am from one but it is not for me personally.

3. I love my other half Mark. We have been together for 8 years, since we were children and things still seem to be going great. He is an excellent father and does what he can for his family and to me its more than I can ask for.

4. I'm quite odd...or so I've been told. I would prefer to be odd anyway since it makes me well me.

5. I am addicted to pepsi...with being pregnant I had to switch to decaf and even then I can't drink what my normal amount is...damn.

6. I smoke..currently cutting down and soon try to quit completely. Its hard and it sucks. Hopefully when I quit I wont pick it back up again.

7.I am a huge kid myself. I enjoy sitting with Breanna and watching disney movies with her or playing childish games. It reminds me of my own childhood and how much I have missed it.

8. I sing. Been told I am talented. I am modest however and think these people have something wedged in their frontal lobe. Thanks for the complements though. :)

9. I love any kind of music for the most part. Anything from old school musicals to extremely heavy metal. Music is a huge part of my life and has gotten me through some of the hardest times.

10. I prefer weird movies, bands and art that no one has heard of. I feel most of these have more depth and structure than those who sell out. You can see more where the artist is coming from and who they are.

11. I have many scars. I could name them all but I wouldn't want to make people vomit. The last I counted I have 15 on my lower left leg alone and 4 on the upper part of my thigh. I was lucky enough to get these from being struck by a car when I was 7. The accident caused my leg to shatter in 3 places. Over the next few years until I was in middle school i had to have many surgeries to fix it. Sometimes I feel like part of my childhood was stolen because of this but then I think back and say to myself it wasn't so bad.

12. In my earlier school days I was extremely shy and quite awkward. These traits got the best of me for a long time and I had a hard time communicating with kids my age. I was often referred to as weird, strange and among other names. It hurt a lot but in the end I began to learn these people are a waste of my energy and time. In high school my shyness left me completely and my awkwardness was rewarded as individuality. High school was grand and I had many friends whom I still am with contact today.

13. My self esteem used to suck. I used to think I was unattractive and actually purposely used to make myself so. I am out of that shell as an adult for the most part (except for wishing for some weight loss...lol) But these days I know I can be pretty and try to look my best for myself instead of others.

14. I am a dreamer. I have many wishes and things I want to accomplish. The only problem is is that I have no drive to do them. Go figure.

15. I can be highly sarcastic and even rude at times but only to those who are inconsiderate themselves. Otherwise I am generally a nice person but do not walk on me these days I am not one to cross. If I am sarcastic any other time its usually out of playfulness or being funny.

16. I am known for holding a grudge for long periods of time. I hardly forget anything someone has said or done to me that was offensive. Don;t get me wrong I can take criticism fine and have the friendly argument about politics or whatever non sense. I am talking about something done to me or said to me personally that was uncalled for and undeserved.

17. I am extremely laid back. I am a huge homebody and enjoy simple pleasures like watching a sunset, finding beauty in things people usually over look. I love to read books and lounge in my favorite pj's or sit and watch a movie.

18.I love any type of art. But I think most of all I love to draw or take pictures. Sometimes the most beautiful things can come from a pencil or you can find beauty behind a camara you didn't think was there when first seeing.

19. I dance when no one is looking...mainly because its usually with my daughter and the fact I am horrible at it.

20. Even though I have kids of my own..I am really not fond of anyone Else's unless it is someone I am close to. Other peoples kids otherwise make me want to rip my hair out.


21. My favorite food is anything Italian. Nuff said.

22. I spend to much time doing stuff that is worthless..like these facts about myself for instance.

23.I love my friends and family and would do anything for them...all they have to do is ask and I'll do it if its within my power and reason.

24. I am a non believer in a lot of things. I think marriage is pointless because I feel i don't need a peice of paper to tell someone I love them. I also don't see why you would spend a crap load of money in one day for this reason. I also don't claim any type of religion. I have my own belief system and my idea of god I believe very strongly in. I like to learn from all religions therefore having a very open mind to all of them and in fact adding to my own belief system if something makes sense to me. I also feel this way about politics. I do not claim any side but I will vote for whom I think will most likely benefit our country no matter what party they belong to. I find all of these things and many more however separate mankind...some people need to listen to the song Imagine by Lennon or the remake by a perfect circle to know what I mean. But I do not judge...whatever float your boat..if you get married I'm happy for the couple..if your a certain type of religion I'm happy you believe in something strongly and have faith..most people don't...if your democrat or republican..well...ummm....I'm not sure how I feel about that to be honest since I don't understand why we have to have separate parties in the first place.

25. I am already starting to go gray..I'm highly upset about this :)

Something special...

I love my daughter more than anything...she is rotten to the core but that is what I love about her. She has the best personality of anyone I know and I know she is going to grow up the best that she is capable of.

Anyways it is picture time!...enjoy.


Me and my baby doll before going to my OB appointment.

Breanna's say "cheese" face...lol



awwww so prettiful. :)

Mark and Breanna. She thinks daddy will love her funny face....and he does.


Breanna's funny face...lol


Hi momma!...Breanna playing with the blankets.



This one is one fine morning Breanna decides to be Mark's alarm clock...he was none too pleased.

Race...interesting

Ok so I was reading some blogs from good ole myspace when I ran into one that was quite interesting....I've had the same feelings about this topic but this guy took the words out of my mouth with this story...enjoy.

Ethnic labels on people are so moronic and trite.

"I'm Italian American" or "I'm Irish, kiss me!"

Who cares?
If you are here, and you legally have the right to be here, then you're an American. Stop trying to be something else, the rest of the world pretty much blows so be happy.

I once heard a great story about this subject matter a few years ago from a friend of mine who worked at the local welfare office. Some dude came in sometime around early 2002, looking for public assistance. He was a college graduate, had a master's degree in engineering if memory serves yet couldn't find a job to save his life. His main problem… his first name was "Osama" and was a dead ringer in the face for "Mohamed Atta."

Turns out that not surprisingly, nobody wanted to hire this asshole because he looked like a terrorist and had the same first name as the motherfucker who orchestrated 9/11. He had all the credentials in the world to find a job, but people were afraid he was sleeper cell material. Remember, this was only months after 9/11 so people were extremely paranoid.

Well, this Osama guy also had a wife and two small kids. His spouse, too, owned a four-year college degree but he refused to let her work because that would obviously make a lot of sense. In this man's mind, his wife's job was sitting at home raising kids not earning real money. For her, having a college degree was as useless as a bullfrog having one. That's how those dudes get down. Women are for babies, men are for pleasure!

Anyway, my friend was making "Osama" fill out a bunch of forms in order for him to get food stamps when my buddy noticed under "race," big "O" put "African American."

My friend, who was black, was dumbfounded and assumed the guy was in error.

"You put down you're African American," my compadre quipped sitting across a desk from "Captain Jihad."

"Yes," Osama shouted back. "I'm from ....Egypt..... ....Egypt.... is in ..Africa... That makes me an African American!"

By golly, the man was right. ....Egypt.... is in ..Africa... Indeed, he was more "African American" than most blacks in this country because he was actually born in the "Dark Continent."

But if you were to look at the guy, the last thing you would think was "African American."

The dude was trying to get an advantage by claiming to be such in order to make things easier for himself. With affirmative action, "African Americans" get some breaks that other may not receive. I'm not going to debate whether or not that's right or wrong, but it is, what it is. But it made me think of something…

Why not claim if you are Caucasian, that you're "African American" on a job application? Who's to say you don't have "South African" heritage or "Zimbabwean" and such? People have a misconception that African is all black folks with a few Arabs mixed in. There are quite a few whities there, especially in the southern part of the continent.

So who's to stop you from doing that? Nobody's going to do a Genealogy background check to see if you truly have family in "....Madagascar....." Hey, it's worth a shot if you need a job bad enough!

Just don't go out and make a demo-tape after you get the job!

(Just kidding)

Ok now that your through reading his story...his name is Dan by the way... It think this is a sad sad fact. Most people judge others by the color of their skin therefore thinking they know where this individual or where their families come from....It is true that when we see someone that has darker skin tones or certain features in general that we think we know everything about them where they come from and sometimes we even think we known them as a person or how they live their lifestyles...its a sad fact and as Americans it makes it worse that we make these assumptions considering we are supposed to be the land of the free blah blah blah..People really need to stop judging other and get in the program of things....jeez.

WII fit and ignorance

Ok..so i was browsing yahoo featured news when i ran across one that is just idiotic.

http://videogames.yahoo.com/feature/the-truth-about-wii-fit-and-weight-loss/1284826

I always said the idea was ingenious compared to the other game systems out there..and IT IS..people are buying these babies like mad since they came out and they still are...its not that expensive and is fun to play..it also does one thing that the other games don't..they get you off your ass. Obviously there are some jealous peoples out there...for more than one reason. The playstation 3 cost around 6oo bucks when it first came out and sony complained about how they are actually losing out buy selling it since each system cost them more than a grand to built. Xbox is just as expensive and microsoft breaks about even with still little profit..were as nintendo is actually making a profit of 8 bucks a system that is sold..its genious cause it proves people do not need all the fancy crap to be content..they can spend a little and get a load of fun out of it and the company gets kudos and profits.
it just seems as though companies are wanting to find something wrong with nintendo..for a while nintendo has been on the back burner and for a change since trhe 90's they are almost back on top.
( people still buy the other systems no matter how retarded and broke they become...may i add that the PS3 has had problems breaking down significantly after the warranty is up?...guess what sony charges 150 to look at the system and to fix minor problems and charge more to fix bigger ones..i swear there is something fishy about it..significantly they are losing out but then all of a sudden the systems break down..may i add it does the same thing?..the blue ray goes out on it OR the system wont come on at all or blinks..everyone i know has had to send their system back after a year...bastards)
i guess what i'm getting at here is it is not nintendo's fault if people spend there money on the Wii and not use it for the fitness purpose like the news article stipulates...it is the owner that had bought it and it is a waste...but to say that hardly anyone uses it is pushing it...i know plently of people use it and have read other reviews and articles stating the Wii is well used all over...it seems to me that they really cant find much wrong so they blame the company instead of the user of the system....this is so childish to me and a low way to try and make other companies feel surperior...people suck.

oh sweet laziness

for the past 3 days and some odd hours i have sat on my ass no joke with the exception of you know taking care of breanna, making dinner, washing dishes, doing some laundry, and picking up the daily run of toys so none of us break our necks...yes i consider this laziness cause it isn't half of what i do on a normal basis....But never fear i have good reason for becoming a sloth..one word TIRED...and for your benefit or for annoyance...PREGNANCY. I have felt like my food is going to force its way back up my throat and out my mouth no matter how much i don't want it to..but instead i just keep the feeling..i have not ben vomitting..just feeling like i am going to...sometimes i wish it would just come up and be over with...i feel likei have no energy for anything at the moment...*sigh*...im looking forward to have another baby but the process kinda sucks at first ( cant wait for that lovely second trimester when all is wonderful..no morning sickness..nice starting of a belly..feeling pretty...come on and hurry up!!)
ok in other news despite my whinning..breanna is doing well..im trying to makeher comprehend the fact of a baby in momma's belly and that she is going to be a big sister of this baby...she seems thrilled but doesnt understand that she cant jump on me anymore..which i must say she isnt happy about...man she is an awesome kid but she is in fact rotten to the core which is something ilove about her ( i can see it now..some guy she is on a date with trying to do some business and my beautiful girl just beat the shit of him for even thinking such naughty things)
well since i really have nothing to say because nothing has actually happened( well im reading alot..i may blog about this later) so goodbye folks until i actually have something of worth to add.

14 year old cop

Wow...I found this article in on yahoo news hilarious...i shall give my reasons why after you read....enjoy

A 14-year-old boy accused of impersonating a police officer and going on patrol for five hours has pleaded not guilty.

The teenager appeared in a Chicago juvenile courtroom on Monday in a purple sweater with his hands cuffed behind his back. A judge ordered that he be held at the juvenile center because he could pose a danger to himself.

Watch Video

Savvy enough to sign out a police radio and ticket book, a 14-year-old spent hours driving around the city on traffic duty before returning to the station...

Fake Cop Only 14-Years Old

Rev. Roosevelt Watkins, a South Side Minister, said the arrest was shocking but not a surprise. Watkins and his wife took in the 14-year-old for 11 months after the boy’s mother kicked him out of the house for being defiant.

"He's crying out for someone to help him because he's technically homeless," Watkins.

Rev. Watkins said the teen was arrested in December, 2007 for impersonating a police officer and again last month at the Ford City shopping mall while wearing a police uniform.

On Sunday, Chicago Police said the boy came dressed up in a regulation uniform and worked five hours of a shift at the Grand Crossing District police station. It's unclear where he got the uniform.

"He has a fantasy, he's infatuated with becoming a police officer," Rev. Watkins said.

The boy reportedly was able to get a police radio, ticket book and ride with an officer for several hours before being questioned by a sergeant who realized his true identity. Because the boy had been in a "police explorer" program where he shadowed officers, he was able to follow procedures with out being noticed.

The boy now faces felony charges of impersonating a police officer.

Copyright Associated Press / NBC Chicago

OK peoples...lets try to name whats wrong with this.....they ARRESTED the kid..why?...because of THEIR stupidity...yup that's right..their departments stupidity...i mean HOW can a 14 year old kid get away with wearing a uniform without someone realizing that he isn't old enough?...whats bad about NOT realizing his age is the fact he got an assignment..and lets be honest..they say he wasn't holding a gun...bullshit...sorry if they gave him an assignment..he was holding a gun..or else his "partner" would ( o wait maybe he didn't after all) have realized this and asked the kid WHY he wasn't carrying his weapon..so IF he was indeed carrying a weapon..that IS scary..still the departments fault....if i was this kid's mom i would be irate at the police department for not checking up on this...what he if was assigned something serious and he got killed?...How could the department be so ignorant NOT to know their own officers or check up on new ones maybe coming in from another department...this is scary in more ways than one...it goes to show what people really can get away with and how "safe" we citizens are....was the kid right in doing what he did?..of course not...he needs his ass whipped by his momma and some sort of probation...should HE being getting all the blame though to make the police look better?...NOOO...its not fair and it just goes to show how dirty the systems are...

end of rant

i love prank phone calls...this one i stole from ebaumsworld.com check it out..they have a bunch of them. i find this one hilarious considering both Mark and i have worked for pizza joints and i would have loved to see any one of my managers getting flustered over this shit.

enjoy folks

i did not vanish...

I have had no Internet access is the only explanation i can give. But now I'm back. You don't know what you miss until its gone really is the truth of things isn't it? I swear having no Internet has been like trying to get over an extreme drug addiction. Well I however am glad the the insanity from boredom is now subsiding a bit since i now have Internet again...pathetic i know.

Well...where to start. Christmas wasn't so much of a bust as i thought it would be. Breanna made out like a bandit thanks to family members. She got a little kitchen set and fake play food to go along with it. Mark and i got her a tea set. Both are such a hit and its amazing me that she is still playing with them a month later. She is getting so big on me. She is my little artist. She loves coloring and making hings out of play dough. Pictures of these creations will soon come i promise. She is still my little movie buff, which these days i want to try and get her out of so when i sit down and try to teach her things her attention isn't else where. Oh and her new favorite food is peanuts and or cashews. When she eats them she is in watchful eyes mind you. Her hyperactivity is through the roof..but hey its OK.

As for Mark and I..we are doing alright. Things are still crappy money wise and we still have no car. But somehow we are doing OK. I guess that is more than i can say for some people. We are just letting it go as it comes and deal to try and make things better instead of taking it out on us in an unneeded fight. We are also expecting our second baby. Yea i know i mentioned this last month and also though i miscarried. I find out how far along i am in due time. I have been to the doctor and they seem to think either i am only 6 weeks. Or i am in fact 11 weeks and last month's bleeding just happened as it sometimes does in some cases. They will do an ultrasound here soon to confirm...hopefully they do on Friday when i go to my OB appointment. I am so excited for another baby i could burst. I cant wait for Breanna to be a big sister. I know she will be a great help. Others say she will just be jealous but i honestly think she wont be. Breanna loves to be around other kids and around babies, not to mention she is good with them at her age. If anyone is going to be jealous its going to be Phoenix our cat...hardy har har har.

anyways i think that concludes my post for now...there has been alot to happen but i just cant think right now with my kid pulling at my arm and hearing Horton on TV speak in gibberish.
later folks.