Losing my mind.....

I know for certain it is happening...I'm losing my mind. I know it has alot to do with this pregnancy ( which has not treated me kindly already ) along with the fact that I'm unhappy with pretty much everything going on in my life right now. No job, no money, struggling day by day..not being able to pay our bills. The past year has been awful. My moods have been getting worse. I have been distant with Mark and Breanna. I feel annoyed at the slightest things and angry at the most ridiculous. But since I have been pregnant my mood swings have been going from one side of the pendulum to the other within seconds. For example, last night Mark came home. I was already in a bad mood because Breanna just simply wouldn't leave me be. ( It wasn't her fault she is just wanting my attention. I feel like a horrible mother these days because I haven't been giving her the attention she needs and have actually been angry when she wants it. I don't know how to change this and I want to desperately. ) Anyways I was in an awful mood and it seemed as though anything Mark said to me I shot it right back in his face. There have been some things that need to be done and I asked him when he was going to do them and he didn't answer me...I lost it. I started screaming literally at the top of my lungs at him. What I said I can't really remember but I know it wasn't pretty. I started doing dishes and I started bawling. I cried and cried. After about 20 minutes I started dinner and came into the living room to get online for a minute. Mark was playing game cube with Breanna since it is the easiest game system for her. It reminded me of something I found funny on youtube. A video of people singing Nintendo game theme songs A Capella. I showed it to Mark and he told me it was "stupid". Mistake. It went right threw me. I NEVER tell him when I think when something is stupid that he shows me. It was like this beast in me was released. I got up from the computer to get dinner on the plates and served. While in the process I was slamming stuff around. Mark asked what the "fuck" was wrong with me. Mistake again. I had a ketchup bottle in my hand at the time and I chucked it as hard as I could at the wall opposite me in the living room. Ketchup went EVERYWHERE. I have a white couch. It was all over it. On the walls, the floor, some of Breanna's toys. Mark gave me this dumbfounded yet angry look and I lost it again. I started screaming at him again about how he "hurt" my feelings. Between this and me throwing the ketchup, I scared Breanna. She has never seen me act so crazily. She has seen me angry with Mark, but not angry and crazy. She started to cry and went to Mark for comfort. Mark looked at me and said "See what you did? You happy now?" I said I didn't care anymore or something along those lines. Mark got Breanna calmed down and sat her down to eat. He told her to leave me alone while making bad comments about me to her. Mistake again but I didn't throw anything I just yelled. What I don't know. While eating no one said anything. I didn't expect it nor did I want it. I put Breanna to bed with me, read her a story and talked to her in a soothing voice telling her I was sorry. I bawled again. breanna cried with me and hugged me. Once again I feel like a horrible mother and I know that reading to her and cuddling with her and talking with her doesn't make up for what I did. I think we both fell asleep crying. I woke up at around 3 in the morning. Mark is still awake on the computer playing Gild Wars. There is still a nasty cold tension. I think there will be for a couple of days. I feel bad yet again. I break down and smoke a cigarette. I head to bed again waking up on and off in the night.
Today is the same. My mood is bad. I am distant from my daughter but not mean. I want help and I have none. I am going to talk with my doctor Monday during my appointment about this. It can't go on. I need medication I know I do or else I'm afraid of doing something utterly regrettable.