Its been such a crazy and busy week. I work at a gas station in a city where unfortunately a lot of folk are poor and sadly a lot of them are poor by choice. Most live off of welfare or SSI checks or some other form of government assistance. I'm all for people who need it without abusing it, lord knows I've needed and indeed receive medicaid for my children. But people I see everyday abusing it because they simply don't want to work and would rather sit at home neglecting their children while dealing drugs and/or doing drugs in front of their kids. Its something that just goes right through me. That being said....most people receive their government benefits within the first week of every month. The gas station I happen to work for has the cheapest beer, cigarettes and money orders in town. We are SLAMMED. People crowd in the building to stock up on cigarettes, beer, gas for their vehicles and money orders to pay their bills. They also grab tons of junk food and buy it on EBT. Being busy doesn't bother me and I overlook the abuse of the system for the most part but the fucking attitudes of these people because they happen to have money for the time being and think they are the shit fucking kills me. Really? You get a little bit of money and all of a sudden you are untouchable and important? Get a grip and fuck off.
Yesterday was one of the worse days I've worked in a while. It was super busy and after receiving crap from people all day long while trying to get my stuff done before the end of the day was just tiring mentally. I was in a pissy mood by the time I got home and wanted to sit and relax. Of course having kids doesn't let you do that..ever. Lucian started screaming to play with my phone. He has a bad habit of playing draw something and sending videos, pictures and random unintelligible texts to people. I just let him do it I don't care...if people don't like it they can just ignore it. I think its cute. It's not cute however when you are on the phone paying bills or with the credit card company. It's frustrating and makes me want to lock him in a cage, in a room with sound proof walls. Breanna is in this stage of wanting everything right then and there and throws fits when she doesn't get her way. Both of them have received timeout for this shit as well as spanking when its bad. They both are running around wild destroying the house in their paths while screaming, After a crap day and coming home to chaos..I'm about ready to pull out my own teeth with a crow bar. I end up yelling pretty brutally at them to be quiet and shit down otherwise they will get their asses spanked and timeout in their rooms. I feel guilty after losing my cool for a second...but hey..at least they sat down and shut up while I got my credit card straightened out and bills paid.
Later on in the evening I hear sirens from outside. This is a normal as I live in a "not so great" neighborhood. We call this the "hood" I stay indoors and I keep my kids inside too. If we go outside to play we normally go to the park or someones house with a yard in order for them to get their sunshine and fresh air. I don't want my kids seeing the uncontrollable children and the bad habits their parents taught them already running around wild with out the parental guidance they need because their parents are too fucking busy shooting up, dealing or just eating oreos watching Dr Phil. I don't want to subject them to the stupidity and danger of drug dealers and drug addicts. Not all is like that that live here, but it is the majority. I don't want my kids to see it or become it. I have to call the police on a regular basis because of stupid shit. I plan on moving soon. This may sound snotty by I feel like we don't belong here and shouldn't be in this stupid shit. I've had my eyes open for a house with a yard or at least an apartment building with a yard or very close to the park. We will see.
Anyhoo, I hear sirens. The kids are begging me for a snack so I just shrug it off for the moment and quickly gather up some stuff for them. I am nosey so after I feed the kids I go outside to smoke a cigarette and see whats going on. Come to find out some fuckwad hit a kid that was playing outside then fled the scene right beside my apartment building. No one was around watching the child they admitted on the news they were inside. By the time I got outside they were loading him up in the ambulance and thank god he only obtained minor injuries. This infuriates me to no extent. The asshole who hit the kid didn't have enough mercy or caring in his heart to make sure the kid was ok. He was probably in a hurry to get some deal or fix taken care of. The parents of the child didn't give a fuck enough to make sure their baby ( 5 years old...5) wasn't playing between 2 parked cars PARKED on the street. Other than the shocked crowd themselves...the parents didn't seem highly upset. They seemed...concerned. I would have been hysterical and murderous if one of my children was hit by a car, let alone by someone who fled...but it wouldn't have happened anyway..I would have been watching my kid. Accidents happen. But this could have been avoided. This is a reminder that all parents should never turn their back on their kids. Ever.
When all was said and done, I went back inside to my babies still eating their snack and watching Jimmy Neutron. I sat beside them and hugged them both and kissed them. I felt so guilty for being mean to them earlier in the day just because I was having a bad day, What if something like that happened to them? I don't even want to imagine it. I would cease to exist is what would happen.
My heart breaks over the kids in my community other than my own. They go home to parents who could care less about them and in fact think of them more or of a nuisance. They see things they should never have to see. They basically care for themselves at very young ages. They are wild with no manners or discipline because their parents just don't give a fuck themselves and have no respect for themselves, let alone their children or others. Whenever I see a child running wild outside I call the police. i was beating myself up yesterday over this and became pretty down about it. If I could have just been outside smoking a cigarette before it happened and called the cops or just simply said to the child hey don't play in the street you could get hurt...maybe it wouldn't have happened. I feel sorry for this child who is going to go back to an unhealthy environment where he just might get in trouble for what happened to him. You never know. In my eyes. His parents should have been arrested too for child neglect. Sigh.
I miss him dearly. I have the feeling he is annoyed with me. He hardly talks to me. :/
Thats about all for today. Until next time...
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