sexual escapades

I have yet again neglected my blog.  I'm not the best writer, so when I go back and read what I had written I usually end up cringing at my uneducated attempt at putting stuff down on paper. (Well...wait....this is a computer...my brain hurts already) That being said I normally take a few breaks in between posts.

My kids and work have also kept me busy.  Breanna graduates from pre K next week.  I'm so proud of her.  She starts dance class again soon.  I love watching her and I think one day she will make something out of it.  One can only hope.  Lucian's drawing capabilities have sky rocketed.  I think I have myself a little prodigy.   :)  My kids are the shit.
They have made me an assistant manager at work.  It's cool.  I get a pay raise and get to tell people to stop being stupid when needed.  Bad side is I've been training for it on my days off since it's easier and we won't be short handed if they were to train me on days I work.  I get overtime pay...my next check should be in my eyes amazing.  Although I'm tired from working 15 days straight, its still a win.

In the past couple of weeks I have been, how would you put it?  Feeling my cheerios?   Needless to say....I need fucking laid.

I could have sex with Mark if I wanted to.  I don't because I don't want to.  It defeats any purpose of "just being friends"  I don't want to do anything just because I'm in need of some vaginal stimulation.  I know we couldn't just be "friends with benefits"  it would lead into us eventually being a couple again for all the wrong reasons.  If we end up being a couple again....I want them to be for the right ones.

I've been having dreams.  Not really highly erotic, but still stimulating.  I more or less think it just comes from missing E terribly and earlier wishing and hoping of what could have been if things were different and I wasn't so complicated or to be honest maybe more his type.  Most of my dreams contain him, us being happy and having a life, not really sex ( not that it hasn't happened in these dreams, just not often.  E and I never had that kind of relationship and it never was thought of either.  We're close without it....which is why I feel so connected to him...it felt more, real I suppose)  These dreams make me miss him more.  I need therapy.

Other dreams not containing E have been highly erotic.  Some with people I know, others not.  I've always been one to enjoy the pleasures of the flesh and without it lately I guess my brain has decided I needed the views of it in my slumber.  Its quite frustrating.

When in waking hours, I've had a few offers.  A very good friend of mine and her husband are looking for someone they can have fun with inside and outside of the bedroom.  More or less a close friendship with the benefits of having sexual relations.  It's appealing, and I've thought about considering it.  This particular couple I really don't see any complications coming about.  I'm still not sure about it though.  Its intriguing to be wanted by 2 people and to be able to be pleased and pleasure 2 on a regular basis and still have the friendship thing going on. Maybe I will consider it after all.

The friend I slept with in November has been talking about wanting a second round.  In his words " I feel like I got the most delicious piece of candy and I want another piece"  I don't know whether to be excited about being compared to candy...or creeped out.  I have to admit the first round was pretty....fucking good.  Dude was giving and his stimulation and resistance was in need for an award.  I feel guilty over the first occurrence,  therefore that would be a no.

There have been others.  None I could really see myself being with due to not my type or it would just be awkward afterward.  But honestly, even the ones that appeal me I still can't really see myself doing.  Not because it wouldn't be fun, good or guilt free.  But because they just aren't the person I want to be with and the person I would want to isn't here.  So...I will continue to feel my cheerios.  I'm not saving myself for him, cause it won't happen.  But I wouldn't enjoy it otherwise due to my mind wouldn't be toward the people I would be sleeping with, but towards him. So whats the point?  Yea.  Thats not weird at all....sorry.

Hell maybe what I need is to have fun and let loose with some good friends to get my mind off of him.  Who knows. My chick friend's offer is almost something you can't say no to.  I'm highly curious.

I need therapy.


I originally had this post blocked from being viewed...but fuck it.