Saturday, August 11, 2012

Agnostics prayer

Dear lord.

Although I myself am not sure if you exist,  I have high hopes you do.  Please do not hold it against me in the end for my doubts.  Everyone has questions and mine just haven't been answered yet.  I do not think you would be the way most in this world make you out to be.  I would like to think of you as a loving God.  A forgiving God.  A remorseful one.  An understanding one with no judgements at all towards any living creature.  I do not pray often.  I have faith though it may not seem like it....lately it has been lacking. I now pray in hopes that you do exist, and listen and will hopefully take me into consideration although maybe I don't deserve it.

I pray you keep my family safe.  To watch over my children.  I want them more than any thing in this world to be happy, healthy and obtain intelligence about life itself.  I pray for the ability to be always provide for their needs and to teach them the important lessons in life.  To be good people with good morals and manners.  To have respect for human kind and all the worlds wondrous creatures and life.  To want to make a difference in this world, not only for themselves but for others.  To know that happiness is what you make it.  Not what you have.  I pray they always stay full of life, love and creativity.  I pray they won't be like me.

I pray for you to bring peace and happiness to my mother.  To give her strength.  To keep her healthy.  To stay in my life as well as my children's for as long as possible.  I pray that you can give her the break in life that she needs and is well deserved.  She is an incredible woman that has always lived a very rough road.  She has went through so much and has always come through with grace and understanding.  She is wise and loving.  She more than anyone I know deserves to have things fall into place for her.

Please watch over and bless my family and my friends.  Most of these people are amazing people who do so much for others and live day to day and struggle quite a bit with unfortunate events.  It seems as though many people i have known for most of my life have always struggled and dealt with situations undeserved.  They have remained remarkable, honest and caring even when it seemed they shouldn't have been.  Give them peace.

I love Mark.  He is an amazing man and lately maybe I haven't been the best of person towards him due to past occurrences.  He has found strength he didn't know he had and has overcame a lot of the demons he struggles with everyday.  He has been trying to to make things right between us.  He has proven he indeed loves me and his children.  He is caring not just for us but for others and had tried to the best of his ability to help and provide.  Please give him peace of mind.  I want the best for him and our children.  His quiet thoughtful nature has always been something that has intrigued me.  I would like to take a lesson from it.  Although we have our troubles and as of right now it is still a working process.  Whatever happens with us,  I just want him to be ok and to live his life to it's fullest.

Watch over Eric.  I hope all is well with him.  I hope he is finding peace with himself and coming to terms with his own demons.  That he is finding happiness where he is at.  I wish the world for him.  I love and miss him dearly.  I still feel broken without him here.  I know things could never be, and it is selfish of me.  Doesn't stop me from wishing it were or even still could be.  I find myself still aching.   I hope he sees me as his friend, someone needed in his life, someone he is happy to hear from.   I hope all his dreams come true and if we ever do see the other again.  We will laugh. 

I do not ask for material possessions.  I do not ask for money.  All I ask for myself is for things to fall into place.  I am grateful for all the things I have in my life. I ask for wisdom, understanding and grace.  There are many things that I want.  Most I know I can't have or need.  I do not ask for them.  I want peace.  I want to be able to sleep at night.  I want it to be known I am a good person with a huge heart.  I care for everyone around me and wish the best for them.  I feel others pain whenever I hear of bad situations.  I wish I could take it all away.  I have my own demons and fights I want to be relieved from.  To come to terms with them.  I want to be able to live a happy full life with no regrets.  To be able to say in the end I did the best I could for people and my children and it turned out ok.  To say that my honesty, virtues and charity was because I wanted to give my part to make this world a little bit better or to say I at least tried.  I people to be able to say that they knew me, and they were glad.  I want the world to be a better place, with no hunger, homeless or pain.  For people to be able to look at another without hatred.  For the many different wars in llife to find mutual common ground and live in peace with their neighbors.  Please keep me from falling into myself.  To stop seeing myself as this ugly, horrible person.  To be able to smile at my reflection.  To be able to love myself.

My prayer isn't much.  Maybe it's a little selfish after all.  But if you do exist.  I hope you listen.  

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