It's been a really....long time.

So folks I disappeared for the longest time from my blog. No worries I'm still here. I happen to stay busy with 2 children under the age of 6 and work full time. Things have been well for the most part. Breanna and Lucian are typical children and are adorable as always. Breanna is now in preschool and doing very well. She has grown into such a beautiful and smart little girl. The way she sees the world and her positive funny outlook brings a smile to my face everyday. Lucian is the most adventurous and inquisitive little boy I have ever met. His easy going laugh and random hugs never cease to brighten my day. Both of my children are so different from each other but yet so alike in many way. They are my heart, soul and the reason I am here. I feel blessed just to have the privilege to call them mine. Mark is now attending college at MCTC and trying to better himself. Something of which I am very proud of him for. He has been wanting to continue his education for a long time now and finally got up the gall to get out there and try. I hope he succeeds and will find happiness in it.

As for me, well, I guess I'm ok.

Since moving back to WV, things have been a roller coaster for both Mark and myself. Mark has went through a lot with his bi polar, back issues and school. I've went through a lot with his bi polar, work and just my own head in general. Our relationship has been strained quite a bit due to a little of everything. To make long stories short however. We are getting through all of it in our own ways together and for ourselves. Its a working process with a lot of details and situations I don't feel like mentioning so you will just have to take my word for it.

My life as of lately has been chaotic routine. I know that doesn't make sense but it is what it is. We go through everyday life routines. Work, school, kids and daily chores. In between we try to make time to get a little bit of us time whether we do something together or I will go off and spend time with friends and on playdates with the kids. Little things will happen however and then its when chaos seems to happen. Something will set off Mark's bi polar then we walk and pins and needles. We end up fighting over stupid relentless and pathetic bullshit. I end up bitter and a little bi polar myself it seems. Once again. Working process. Some days are better than others. Being understanding and taking on most of the responsibility like working, doing all the household chores and anything to do with the kids like doctors appointments or just playing so he isn't so stressed is draining me. I stay stressed myself, but hey. I'm wonder woman.

I find myself lately looking at myself a lot. I try to be a good person. I'm kind. I'm trying to stand by the man I love. I take on a lot because I care. I'm a good mom. My kids are amazing and I'm so proud of both of them. I do however at times find myself to be very ugly (inside and out) I can be very negative and when things don't go according to plan or bad things just happen period I feel like I'm drowning and the world is coming apart. Dramatic right? Not intended I assure you. When things become bad at home ( mark is a good man. He doesn't beat me or speak down to me but his own issues do come out often and its not pretty) I find myself wondering why I bother. I wonder what it would be like to just do things myself and become single since I pretty much do everything myself. Mark tries, but in his trying I still HAVE to do what I do no matter what kind of day I'm having or how I'm feeling. Then I see the good things he is and remember why I am here, so here I am.

One of the things that get me through as cliche as it may sound is my friends. I love them dearly and with all that I've been going through whether it be bad or good they are there. I don't have many but the ones I have are amazing. I am very grateful for them and my children. Without either I would see no point in being here as sad as it sounds. They have seen me at all ends of the spectrum of emotion whether it be down and out, angry and just chipper as can be. They have supported and helped me in ways I will never be able to pay back and can't ask for better people in my life. I love you guys <3

Anyways I am now bringing this to a close. I wrote out of boredom and curiosity since it had been so long since I've been on here. I may take it up again as it was a healthy way for me to rant. Peace.